After reading the Prince's most recent post, I needed to write my own.
Maybe it's because I don't want to get into a grad school that our views vary. But I think my life would change rather drastically if I won the lottery.
I was given cash yesterday, some with which to buy the kids lunch and train tickets, the rest was for me and they'd just deduct that from my pay this week. Perfect! First of all, I needed to take the train that night and second, I needed girl products. Rather badly. So I bought myself some necessary things from the pharmacy, bought some lunch for the kiddies, jumped on the train with them. I realised I had forgotten diapers for the baby, so I bought a mini pack when we got off the train. Then, we saw a carousel. A very beautiful, very old carousel. Well, I couldn't not let them ride the carousel. Then I had to buy phone credit so I could call the mommy to let her know where we were (and to text EG, obviously). Then, when the mommy came and I was to go on to my next destination, I realised I had to take the train twice. I only had enough for one trip. So, standing at the little mechanical thing where you buy train tickets, I tried to figure out how best to cheat the system without getting caught. I was told that if you get caught on the train I was about to take, you'd get fined something like 800 franks. But if you get caught on the one home, it's only like a hundred. So I made my ticket come from a station closer to home and made the destination one before. They did not check tickets on my first trip. There, that money could have gone to my homeward ticket and saved me a hell of a lot of trouble. Why don't they just check every time or never! It's evil what they do! On the way back, I saw they were checking right away. And I did not have a ticket from where I got on. So I jumped up to go to the bathroom and planned to get off at the next stop (which was soon) and catch the next train (which was an hour away). They were waiting for me when I got out of the bathroom. "Bon soir" said I sleepily and tried to get off the train. After much embarrassment and pretending to be stupid on my part, they let me off saying "vous avez du chance ce soir." I guess you could call it that. So what was I going to do when I caught the next train? What if they checked right away too? I came up with a story that someone I was supposed to be meeting said they would drive me to a station and I had bought the ticket ahead of time (which could be proven by the ticket I did buy ahead of time) and then they said they couldn't drive me that far and I was too shy to ask for more money. After an hour of worry punctuated with reading Oscar Wilde short stories, I got on the train. They did not check at all.
That whole night could have been a hell of a lot better and much more productive if I had a million dollars.
You know what makes it worse? Things like that happen to me at least twice, usually more, a week.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
Irregardless
ilovehimilovehimilovehimilovehimilovehimilovehimilovehimilovehim!
Too much? I suppose. Here's the song he thinks (and I agree) works for us now (if he were to sing it--which he did over the phone for me):
Just Like Heaven by The Cure
"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you
I promise that I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"
Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that
I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"
You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream
Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me
You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven
Man, he floors me.
Too much? I suppose. Here's the song he thinks (and I agree) works for us now (if he were to sing it--which he did over the phone for me):
Just Like Heaven by The Cure
"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you
I promise that I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"
Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that
I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"
You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream
Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me
You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven
Man, he floors me.
Butterflies Mixed With...Something Else
I kind of feel like Neenia feels. Like shit. Why do I feel this way? Why do I do things I'm pretty sure I won't be proud of? Why don't I do things I know I will be proud of? Why don't I prepare for things I really really want? I hate when I'm...this way. Myself. How can I fix things? I don't know how to fix everything. But I need everything fixed...who can I go to for help? No one! I'm supposed to help myself. But...I don't know how. I don't know how to get where I need to go. I don't know how to get rid of this feeling in my stomach.
Memories and fantasies can only take me so far.
Memories and fantasies can only take me so far.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Rocking Yet
TextSex is funny. Also fun. Also hot. Also inconvenient. Also difficult. But mostly funny and hot. Like really funny. Like make people think you're crazy for laughing in the street funny. And really hot. Like stop what you're doing so you can concentrate and not slide off your seat and fall down hot.
I need lessons. Well, I'm doing pretty well right now. But...you kind of run out of things to say. Pretty much, I'm tortured. My new motto: It's agony not being in England.
ps, when you use predictive text to write "soaking wet" it comes out "rocking yet." I like that.
I need lessons. Well, I'm doing pretty well right now. But...you kind of run out of things to say. Pretty much, I'm tortured. My new motto: It's agony not being in England.
ps, when you use predictive text to write "soaking wet" it comes out "rocking yet." I like that.
No Birthday Nookie
Goddammit I was horny last night!!
Most of the women in the cast are married and ALL of them were talking about going home to get laid! We were all cabaret-whored out so we all looked hot and after the crazy adrenaline rush of the show, we just all wanted some immediately! I was so jealous of all these wives! I don't want to get married right now, but wouldn't it be nice to have sex every night?
I sent EG three very vulgar texts which he didn't get until he was at passport control at the airport. I hope he was pleased by my dirty intentions. I hope he plans to deliver when I go there...I'm sure he does.
I told him that when my phone dings to tell me I have a text from him, I jump and giggle. He said "I want to see that! Do you think it would work if I texted you whilst next to you?" and I said "Probably, but you'll never see me as excited as I'll be the moment I see you!" and he said "That's not true as it would make every day after less exciting. I shall win you over every day!"
I don't doubt it EG, I don't doubt it.
Most of the women in the cast are married and ALL of them were talking about going home to get laid! We were all cabaret-whored out so we all looked hot and after the crazy adrenaline rush of the show, we just all wanted some immediately! I was so jealous of all these wives! I don't want to get married right now, but wouldn't it be nice to have sex every night?
I sent EG three very vulgar texts which he didn't get until he was at passport control at the airport. I hope he was pleased by my dirty intentions. I hope he plans to deliver when I go there...I'm sure he does.
I told him that when my phone dings to tell me I have a text from him, I jump and giggle. He said "I want to see that! Do you think it would work if I texted you whilst next to you?" and I said "Probably, but you'll never see me as excited as I'll be the moment I see you!" and he said "That's not true as it would make every day after less exciting. I shall win you over every day!"
I don't doubt it EG, I don't doubt it.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Momentary Lapse
I can take a little time off from my gushing for 2 things.
1) My cabaret opened tonight to rave reviews. I feel talented, I feel worthy, I feel in my element. I'm happy.
2) It's my birthday tomorrow. I'm so old.
1) My cabaret opened tonight to rave reviews. I feel talented, I feel worthy, I feel in my element. I'm happy.
2) It's my birthday tomorrow. I'm so old.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
So-Called Reality
One of my friends was just really mean. She said she doesn't support my feelings for EG because she knows how it will turn out. She said that in three months we're gonna realise we don't really like each other and that we made stupid sacrifices that we'll regret.
I totally disagree. But...are friends even allowed to say that?
I mean, maybe it's because she hasn't read my blogs, or she can't see me to know how I feel about this guy. Or maybe she knows my personality and she knows I obsess hard and fast. Either way, she's wrong. In every way. 1st, it's already lasted longer than 3 months, kind of. Second, I will not regret any kind of sacrifice I make for him as it will be for the him I know and care for now. And third, we will still like each other. What is the point of avoiding feelings just because they might one day go away? The point is to assume and hope that they won't go away and have an amazing time together.
I admit that I'm in love with being in love. But if I've found someone I get to be in love with, then I'm lucky. Not unrealistic.
I totally disagree. But...are friends even allowed to say that?
I mean, maybe it's because she hasn't read my blogs, or she can't see me to know how I feel about this guy. Or maybe she knows my personality and she knows I obsess hard and fast. Either way, she's wrong. In every way. 1st, it's already lasted longer than 3 months, kind of. Second, I will not regret any kind of sacrifice I make for him as it will be for the him I know and care for now. And third, we will still like each other. What is the point of avoiding feelings just because they might one day go away? The point is to assume and hope that they won't go away and have an amazing time together.
I admit that I'm in love with being in love. But if I've found someone I get to be in love with, then I'm lucky. Not unrealistic.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Back in the Clouds!
heehee, he sent me this just now:
Hi Alathariel! Last night was hilarious, my sister and her mates are still in bed! Listen, I was thinking about you a lot last night. And today. My intuition kicked in because all i wanted to say was i wish you were here, and i was running out of ways to express it, and because of bastard txt msging i have a strange feeling you have got the wrong end of the stick...do you understand? i wasn't pushing you away. text back fucking quick! x
Hi Alathariel! Last night was hilarious, my sister and her mates are still in bed! Listen, I was thinking about you a lot last night. And today. My intuition kicked in because all i wanted to say was i wish you were here, and i was running out of ways to express it, and because of bastard txt msging i have a strange feeling you have got the wrong end of the stick...do you understand? i wasn't pushing you away. text back fucking quick! x
Too Soon to be Such a Girl
I don't even want to write this blog. It makes me sick.
We were texting last night and it was so much fun, he was making me laugh sooooo much. I had mentioned that I was horny and he said he knew it. I had said "I can't wait to see you" a couple of times so I said "this is the part where you say how much you want to see me and why" and he said "Thanks for the cue. I can't wait to see you and there's so much I want to do with you but you know what we'd do first, why should we torture ourselves thinking about it" and I said "it's not torture! well, I guess anticipation is kind of torture" and he said "it makes me sad, in truth, alathariel" and I said "what makes you sad? anticipation? just thinking about me? should I stop texting you?" and he said "no no, that I'm not fucking around. I really do want to see you and now. still seems a long time away and I'm excited but I'm impatient." Then, as I tried to figure that out, my heart shattered into a thousand pieces and started to claw at everything it could touch inside me. I wrote "wait, what makes you sad?" and he said "...forget it. perhaps sad was the wrong term. Don't you be sad, pleeeaaase smile x." so i said "okay, sorry about your frustration or whatever. don't worry i'm smiling!" which was a lie. He replied "yeh, frustration, that's it. No more emotion from me young lady. I'm drinking now to lay the foundations for this evening. I'm in for a session methinks." to which I replied "have a good night!" to which he replied "I get the feeling that was left a bit weird? maybe I'm drunk? night night." to which I replied "you're very intuitive! nothing's wrong, all will be claire-ified another time! have fun!"
So...I just don't want to be seen as a trap. Is that so much to ask? And I'm not even asking it of him. We obviously can't discuss stuff like boundaries and blah blah blah online or via texts. But...he's a playah, he's going to the states all summer, he's in Cyprus right now...we've only spent three nights together. He can do whatever he wants. How do I tell him that and still let him know that if I find out I will cry, throw up, then throw myself off a cliff? Like I want him to know that I don't want him to sleep with anyone else, but I don't want him to want to sleep with anyone else. I want him to just want me. Obviously. But obviously, he can do whatever he wants...I can't believe he sees me as a trap already. He'll be calling me the old ball and chain before I know it. The higher you climb, the harder you fall...
We were texting last night and it was so much fun, he was making me laugh sooooo much. I had mentioned that I was horny and he said he knew it. I had said "I can't wait to see you" a couple of times so I said "this is the part where you say how much you want to see me and why" and he said "Thanks for the cue. I can't wait to see you and there's so much I want to do with you but you know what we'd do first, why should we torture ourselves thinking about it" and I said "it's not torture! well, I guess anticipation is kind of torture" and he said "it makes me sad, in truth, alathariel" and I said "what makes you sad? anticipation? just thinking about me? should I stop texting you?" and he said "no no, that I'm not fucking around. I really do want to see you and now. still seems a long time away and I'm excited but I'm impatient." Then, as I tried to figure that out, my heart shattered into a thousand pieces and started to claw at everything it could touch inside me. I wrote "wait, what makes you sad?" and he said "...forget it. perhaps sad was the wrong term. Don't you be sad, pleeeaaase smile x." so i said "okay, sorry about your frustration or whatever. don't worry i'm smiling!" which was a lie. He replied "yeh, frustration, that's it. No more emotion from me young lady. I'm drinking now to lay the foundations for this evening. I'm in for a session methinks." to which I replied "have a good night!" to which he replied "I get the feeling that was left a bit weird? maybe I'm drunk? night night." to which I replied "you're very intuitive! nothing's wrong, all will be claire-ified another time! have fun!"
So...I just don't want to be seen as a trap. Is that so much to ask? And I'm not even asking it of him. We obviously can't discuss stuff like boundaries and blah blah blah online or via texts. But...he's a playah, he's going to the states all summer, he's in Cyprus right now...we've only spent three nights together. He can do whatever he wants. How do I tell him that and still let him know that if I find out I will cry, throw up, then throw myself off a cliff? Like I want him to know that I don't want him to sleep with anyone else, but I don't want him to want to sleep with anyone else. I want him to just want me. Obviously. But obviously, he can do whatever he wants...I can't believe he sees me as a trap already. He'll be calling me the old ball and chain before I know it. The higher you climb, the harder you fall...
Friday, June 01, 2007
Solid Gone
I'm quoting Baloo the Bear: "I'm gone, man, solid gone!"
Because that's how I feel. I'm sorry if the last couple and next hundred posts are incredibly disgusting, gag me with a hundred spoons, diabetically sweet public displays of affection. I'm sorry if I'm completely selfish and forget to remember everyone else in my life. I'm sorry if I move far away. I'm sorry if I can't stop blushing, sighing, "awww"ing, fainting, jumping, falling, panting, masturbating, singing, twirling, leaping, flying. I'm tongue tied, nervous, achy, jittery, hot, dizzy, discombobulated, cold, shaky, dreamy, cozy, happy, dopey, grumpy, sneezy, sleepy, bashful and doc. Except not the last seven, those are dwarfs.
The fact that my inbox is empty makes me want to barf. He's in stupid Cyprus. Okay, it's not stupid, it's cool and he's probably buying cool paintings like he did last time and will stare at them and admire them with me.
Did I mention some of his qualities?
He's 6'5". That's right. Six foot five. Six feet and five inches. I'm five foot five! He's an entire foot taller than me!
He's going to be a football (as in soccer) coach.
He's HILARIOUS.
He gave me the biggest hug because I sang "ain't it a glorious day..."
He made me sing all of "Consider Yourself" at his favourite club.
He sings.
He's English. With an accent.
He has a pillow shaped like a boomerang.
He's intuitive.
He's going to be the father of my babies.
He hopes to hold my hand against a thousand backgrounds!?!?!?!?!?! I--...I don't know if he thinks he can say that to someone and have them be...not gone. still here.
I'm not still here.
I'm gone, man, solid gone.
Because that's how I feel. I'm sorry if the last couple and next hundred posts are incredibly disgusting, gag me with a hundred spoons, diabetically sweet public displays of affection. I'm sorry if I'm completely selfish and forget to remember everyone else in my life. I'm sorry if I move far away. I'm sorry if I can't stop blushing, sighing, "awww"ing, fainting, jumping, falling, panting, masturbating, singing, twirling, leaping, flying. I'm tongue tied, nervous, achy, jittery, hot, dizzy, discombobulated, cold, shaky, dreamy, cozy, happy, dopey, grumpy, sneezy, sleepy, bashful and doc. Except not the last seven, those are dwarfs.
The fact that my inbox is empty makes me want to barf. He's in stupid Cyprus. Okay, it's not stupid, it's cool and he's probably buying cool paintings like he did last time and will stare at them and admire them with me.
Did I mention some of his qualities?
He's 6'5". That's right. Six foot five. Six feet and five inches. I'm five foot five! He's an entire foot taller than me!
He's going to be a football (as in soccer) coach.
He's HILARIOUS.
He gave me the biggest hug because I sang "ain't it a glorious day..."
He made me sing all of "Consider Yourself" at his favourite club.
He sings.
He's English. With an accent.
He has a pillow shaped like a boomerang.
He's intuitive.
He's going to be the father of my babies.
He hopes to hold my hand against a thousand backgrounds!?!?!?!?!?! I--...I don't know if he thinks he can say that to someone and have them be...not gone. still here.
I'm not still here.
I'm gone, man, solid gone.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Too Good!
I just got this text from my English Gentleman.
Hi Alathariel,
You're beautiful. You're beautiful and I think you should be reminded. You're beautiful and I hope to hold your hand against a thousand backgrounds.
I FEEL LIKE THE LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD!!!
Hi Alathariel,
You're beautiful. You're beautiful and I think you should be reminded. You're beautiful and I hope to hold your hand against a thousand backgrounds.
I FEEL LIKE THE LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD!!!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Horoscope? Horror-scope more like...
Here's what I read on some website. About a Gemini girl and a Scorpio boy.
"This match is not good for either of you. He is very demanding and he doesn’t like anyone questioning his rules and habits. Meanwhile, you are freewheeling and flighty and you don’t believe in rules at all. He’ll be constantly grumpy with you, because he can’t change your spontaneous, outgoing nature. And why would you? Even if you did settle down to please him, you couldn't keep it up for long or you would be miserable. You may have sparks with a Scorpio boy, but the second you stop kissing you’ll find you have little in common. This is a don’t-do-it match for you."
This is complete bullshit. What the fuck do horoscopes know?! English Gentleman is not all into rules and routine! And I'm accepting of everyone's nature. Lick me where I bleed zodiac bitch!
"This match is not good for either of you. He is very demanding and he doesn’t like anyone questioning his rules and habits. Meanwhile, you are freewheeling and flighty and you don’t believe in rules at all. He’ll be constantly grumpy with you, because he can’t change your spontaneous, outgoing nature. And why would you? Even if you did settle down to please him, you couldn't keep it up for long or you would be miserable. You may have sparks with a Scorpio boy, but the second you stop kissing you’ll find you have little in common. This is a don’t-do-it match for you."
This is complete bullshit. What the fuck do horoscopes know?! English Gentleman is not all into rules and routine! And I'm accepting of everyone's nature. Lick me where I bleed zodiac bitch!
Monday, May 28, 2007
Just Call Me Juliet
Guys! I'm seriously in love! this feeling is insane! I feel like a twelve year old! But like a horny one.
I can't stop sighing. I can't stop playing the song I wrote for him. I can't stop thinking about the song he wrote for me. What will it be like?
I'm so head over heals. So gone. So stuck. So happy. So torn.
I had a song stuck in my head but I couldn't remember how it went. Like at all. I said "I think the word 'learn' is in the chorus." and he got it in one guess. the word "learn" was not in the chorus.
He called me the Princess of the Stage.
he's getting perfecter and perfecter.
I can't stop sighing. I can't stop playing the song I wrote for him. I can't stop thinking about the song he wrote for me. What will it be like?
I'm so head over heals. So gone. So stuck. So happy. So torn.
I had a song stuck in my head but I couldn't remember how it went. Like at all. I said "I think the word 'learn' is in the chorus." and he got it in one guess. the word "learn" was not in the chorus.
He called me the Princess of the Stage.
he's getting perfecter and perfecter.
Friday, May 25, 2007
My New Song
Your silly pillow's calling me
And your arms are open wide
How can I get up today
No way
I'm staying by your side
I could smoke you
I could inject you
Any way that I can get you
I'm not supposed to succumb
To my addictions in the morning
But I'm warning you
Don't take you away from me
I've been through withdrawl
And all in all
It's not all it's cracked up to be
Don't take you away from me
Let the day go by without us
I can miss bacon and eggs
I'll feed on messing up your hair
And tangling up our legs
I could drink you
I could pop you like a pill
If there's a way to get you in me
I willI'm not supposed to succumb
To my addictions in the morning
But I'm warning you
Don't take you away from me
I've been through withdrawl
And all in all
It's not all it's cracked up to be
Don't take you away from me
I need my fix
I need one more word
Of that way you talk
Cuz the last I heard
Was that I'm hooked on your ways
On the days
On the lays
On the crazy times with you
Whatever you say
In that way
I'll obey
You don't have to pin me
You know you'll win me
With your lips
And your hands on my hips
And every single time you call french fries chips
I need a taste
Though it seems like a waste
Of a very expensive calling card
It's worth every cent
To hear the sound of a gent
And I'm intent on falling hard
I need a hit
Just a little bit
Give me one more chance
Just to run my hands
Through your hair
You're my hero
You're my heroine
Watching you watch me play guitar
Is better anyway
Than anything that I can take
To take it all away
I could smoke you
I could pop you like a pill
If there's a way to get you in me
I will
I'm not supposed to succumb
To my addictions in the morning
But I'm warning you
Don't take you away from me
I've been through withdrawl
And all in all
It's not all it's cracked up to be
Don't take you away from me
You're my hero
You're my heroine
And your arms are open wide
How can I get up today
No way
I'm staying by your side
I could smoke you
I could inject you
Any way that I can get you
I'm not supposed to succumb
To my addictions in the morning
But I'm warning you
Don't take you away from me
I've been through withdrawl
And all in all
It's not all it's cracked up to be
Don't take you away from me
Let the day go by without us
I can miss bacon and eggs
I'll feed on messing up your hair
And tangling up our legs
I could drink you
I could pop you like a pill
If there's a way to get you in me
I willI'm not supposed to succumb
To my addictions in the morning
But I'm warning you
Don't take you away from me
I've been through withdrawl
And all in all
It's not all it's cracked up to be
Don't take you away from me
I need my fix
I need one more word
Of that way you talk
Cuz the last I heard
Was that I'm hooked on your ways
On the days
On the lays
On the crazy times with you
Whatever you say
In that way
I'll obey
You don't have to pin me
You know you'll win me
With your lips
And your hands on my hips
And every single time you call french fries chips
I need a taste
Though it seems like a waste
Of a very expensive calling card
It's worth every cent
To hear the sound of a gent
And I'm intent on falling hard
I need a hit
Just a little bit
Give me one more chance
Just to run my hands
Through your hair
You're my hero
You're my heroine
Watching you watch me play guitar
Is better anyway
Than anything that I can take
To take it all away
I could smoke you
I could pop you like a pill
If there's a way to get you in me
I will
I'm not supposed to succumb
To my addictions in the morning
But I'm warning you
Don't take you away from me
I've been through withdrawl
And all in all
It's not all it's cracked up to be
Don't take you away from me
You're my hero
You're my heroine
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Risky Business
Everyone keeps telling me to be careful (except Skinny who quoted Jamie). What does that mean? What am I supposed to do?
One friend reminded me that he's a manwhore and he might not be able to have an actual girlfriend. That's true. It's totally possible. I'm very thankful for her reminder. But...what am I supposed to do? Not try?
I've been wanting to move to England and be on the West End forEVER so, I'm clearly not thinking about it for him.
But what does that mean, "be careful?" How am I supposed to control my imagination? I can't control my feelings or...
There are risks in everything I do! EVERYTHING.
I'm risking. It's happening. Deal with it.
One friend reminded me that he's a manwhore and he might not be able to have an actual girlfriend. That's true. It's totally possible. I'm very thankful for her reminder. But...what am I supposed to do? Not try?
I've been wanting to move to England and be on the West End forEVER so, I'm clearly not thinking about it for him.
But what does that mean, "be careful?" How am I supposed to control my imagination? I can't control my feelings or...
There are risks in everything I do! EVERYTHING.
I'm risking. It's happening. Deal with it.
Monday, May 21, 2007
OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN!!!
English Gentleman just said "you should live here"!!!!!!!
I'm so high right now, I'm never gonna sleep again, am I?
I'm so high right now, I'm never gonna sleep again, am I?
The (best) Explanation (that I came up with)
It was entirely my decision.
I think I felt completely broken up with when he didn't want to move in with me and so I tried to make my peace with that and the result was that I stopped loving him in the same way.
That's what I think happened. I don't really know. I've been lookin back on past entries of my journals and this blog and I really loved him, didn't I? I really don't anymore.
We were making out on the first night in Rome and I was thinking "just get this over with and we'll be back to normal" and then he said "I feel funny" and I couldn't continue. I just couldn't do it. I had spoken to EG on the phone the night before and when I told him who I was going to Italy with, he sounded heartbroken. I hated that feeling. I know, I'm horrible.
I don't think I stopped having feelings for ...oh, man, I don't even know what to call him...he's not my lovah, he's not my boy...I'll call him Bowie, because he likes and wants to be Bowie... this is sad. Anyway, I don't think I stopped loving Bowie because of English Gentleman. But I think I broke up with him because of English Gentleman. But isn't it better to not be in a non-relationship?
EG really wants to see me again. And Frenchie told me that her lovah told her that he was totally bummed when I left. Also, she said that he said that he said that if he had a girlfriend, it would be with someone like me. That's what he said to another guy. In my head, that means he wants me to be his girlfriend. I might have to move to England. I gotta go see about a boy...
I think I felt completely broken up with when he didn't want to move in with me and so I tried to make my peace with that and the result was that I stopped loving him in the same way.
That's what I think happened. I don't really know. I've been lookin back on past entries of my journals and this blog and I really loved him, didn't I? I really don't anymore.
We were making out on the first night in Rome and I was thinking "just get this over with and we'll be back to normal" and then he said "I feel funny" and I couldn't continue. I just couldn't do it. I had spoken to EG on the phone the night before and when I told him who I was going to Italy with, he sounded heartbroken. I hated that feeling. I know, I'm horrible.
I don't think I stopped having feelings for ...oh, man, I don't even know what to call him...he's not my lovah, he's not my boy...I'll call him Bowie, because he likes and wants to be Bowie... this is sad. Anyway, I don't think I stopped loving Bowie because of English Gentleman. But I think I broke up with him because of English Gentleman. But isn't it better to not be in a non-relationship?
EG really wants to see me again. And Frenchie told me that her lovah told her that he was totally bummed when I left. Also, she said that he said that he said that if he had a girlfriend, it would be with someone like me. That's what he said to another guy. In my head, that means he wants me to be his girlfriend. I might have to move to England. I gotta go see about a boy...
Sunday, May 20, 2007
A Bomb
I don't know what to say. Too much has happened.
The next night, EG got me hella drunk and I apparently asked him a bunch of stupid questions like "what do you think of me" and "what's your ideal version of us?" Because I'm a girl and girls do that. He said "If I had to work a horrible job that I hated every day, if you could sing to me every morning, I'd be okay with that." And the next day, he asked me if I remembered that, and I said "...yes...wow." And he said "don't forget it."
So then horrible horrible, can't even talk about it annoying horrible things happened with planes and trains and then I got to Rome and realised I didn't love my boy anymore. So...we broke up.
Needless to say, I'm a little confused.
The next night, EG got me hella drunk and I apparently asked him a bunch of stupid questions like "what do you think of me" and "what's your ideal version of us?" Because I'm a girl and girls do that. He said "If I had to work a horrible job that I hated every day, if you could sing to me every morning, I'd be okay with that." And the next day, he asked me if I remembered that, and I said "...yes...wow." And he said "don't forget it."
So then horrible horrible, can't even talk about it annoying horrible things happened with planes and trains and then I got to Rome and realised I didn't love my boy anymore. So...we broke up.
Needless to say, I'm a little confused.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
The Skinny Dress
Did everyone hear about the party last night? The location? My vagina. The guests? English Gentleman's penis.
I'm kind of in heaven right now.
He didn't know I was coming even though my status on facebook said "I'm so excited about Southampton." Apparantly, facebook doesn't mean as much to some people as it does to me.
I was silently (not always silently but I did my best) freaking out all day yesterday. I went to the Isle of Wight in classic English weather and froze to death, enjoyed the incredibly lovely views, drank a couple pints of cider, had adventures, the usual. Then Frenchie and I went back to her place and ate garlic bread and watched the new Scrubs. Then we found out where we were meeting everybody and I put on my unstoppable orange dress (the one you love, Skinny!) and we were on our way. We ended up going to Frenchies's lovah's slash English Gentleman's house (incidentally, everyone who lives at Milton Manor is an English Gentleman but I'm only concerned with mine at the moment) where Frenchie's lovah was getting ready. Almost immediately, EG walked by--in his boxers, just to hurt me--and was just giving a casual hello to Frenchie and saying he didn't want to go out when he spotted me and did a double take. As conversation was going on, I looked at him with my "if you kiss me it will change your life" look which works every time. Combined with my unstoppable dress, I don't know why I was so nervous! So we went to have drinks, blah blah blah, we discussed funny things like tumbleweeds, blah blah blah, I got a little tipsy, blah blah, and then we ran back to Milton Manor in the pissing rain. Oh my god, I can't believe I almost forgot! Frenchie and her lovah, the drunker ones of the party, ran way ahead, and EG just suddenly stopped and pulled me to him and kissed me really really well. In the rain. Fantasy scenario, check! Then we kept going hand in hand. Wow. So by this point I was completely on fire, even though I was drowning in the rain.!
We got back to the house, watched a bit of a show called Peep Show (watch it. watch it now, it's brilliant.) and EG just...went up to his room! Now Frenchie wasn't feeling very well, so I could tell she just wanted to stay with her lovah, but...ahgh! What was I supposed to do? Just go ask EG if I could spend the night? I pretty much did. When I went up to his room, he was playing his guitar (HOT) and he immediately handed it to me and said "what are you going to play for me?" And I said, I only have the one good song, and he said "okay." So I played Cake for him and he played a few things, then I said "Sooo...Frenchie's cold and ill..." and he said "Do you want to stay? No problem." And then we proceeded to have the BEST SEX EVER.
By the by, if my boy is reading this, will you please calm down? First of all, you're not supposed to be reading it because you said you wouldn't. Second, when I say best, I mean best with him in this situation in England. Chill the fuck out. Fucking propose or something if you don't want me having good sex. With other people, that is.
After AWESOME sex, we kissed and talked and cuddled and wonderfullness ensued. He called me a "kiss hungry chick" haha. Guys, he's so gorgeous...I was just so happy to be with him! I kept giggling. And he loved that, because I'm so adorable and hot at the same time. It's a skill I have. I'm a child and a woman at once. He said something about how sleeping with someone is different than waking up with someone. I agreed. He had to work today, so this morning we had sweet sex again and made him late for work. I said "may I be so bold as to ask if I can stay here again tonight?" He said "you may be so bold. You'll recieve a reply via email with a fancy letterhead." And I said "like 'we regret to inform you'?" And he said "yes, or 'congratulations!'" To witch I replied with laughter to witch he replied with kissing and so it goes...
Now I'm sitting alone in his room, using his computer without permission, wating for Frenchie and her lovah to wake up and take me to Oxford. Also waiting for my vagina transplant so that I can be ready for tonight should I get the "congratulations" email. The problem is, I've already worn my orange dress...
I'm kind of in heaven right now.
He didn't know I was coming even though my status on facebook said "I'm so excited about Southampton." Apparantly, facebook doesn't mean as much to some people as it does to me.
I was silently (not always silently but I did my best) freaking out all day yesterday. I went to the Isle of Wight in classic English weather and froze to death, enjoyed the incredibly lovely views, drank a couple pints of cider, had adventures, the usual. Then Frenchie and I went back to her place and ate garlic bread and watched the new Scrubs. Then we found out where we were meeting everybody and I put on my unstoppable orange dress (the one you love, Skinny!) and we were on our way. We ended up going to Frenchies's lovah's slash English Gentleman's house (incidentally, everyone who lives at Milton Manor is an English Gentleman but I'm only concerned with mine at the moment) where Frenchie's lovah was getting ready. Almost immediately, EG walked by--in his boxers, just to hurt me--and was just giving a casual hello to Frenchie and saying he didn't want to go out when he spotted me and did a double take. As conversation was going on, I looked at him with my "if you kiss me it will change your life" look which works every time. Combined with my unstoppable dress, I don't know why I was so nervous! So we went to have drinks, blah blah blah, we discussed funny things like tumbleweeds, blah blah blah, I got a little tipsy, blah blah, and then we ran back to Milton Manor in the pissing rain. Oh my god, I can't believe I almost forgot! Frenchie and her lovah, the drunker ones of the party, ran way ahead, and EG just suddenly stopped and pulled me to him and kissed me really really well. In the rain. Fantasy scenario, check! Then we kept going hand in hand. Wow. So by this point I was completely on fire, even though I was drowning in the rain.!
We got back to the house, watched a bit of a show called Peep Show (watch it. watch it now, it's brilliant.) and EG just...went up to his room! Now Frenchie wasn't feeling very well, so I could tell she just wanted to stay with her lovah, but...ahgh! What was I supposed to do? Just go ask EG if I could spend the night? I pretty much did. When I went up to his room, he was playing his guitar (HOT) and he immediately handed it to me and said "what are you going to play for me?" And I said, I only have the one good song, and he said "okay." So I played Cake for him and he played a few things, then I said "Sooo...Frenchie's cold and ill..." and he said "Do you want to stay? No problem." And then we proceeded to have the BEST SEX EVER.
By the by, if my boy is reading this, will you please calm down? First of all, you're not supposed to be reading it because you said you wouldn't. Second, when I say best, I mean best with him in this situation in England. Chill the fuck out. Fucking propose or something if you don't want me having good sex. With other people, that is.
After AWESOME sex, we kissed and talked and cuddled and wonderfullness ensued. He called me a "kiss hungry chick" haha. Guys, he's so gorgeous...I was just so happy to be with him! I kept giggling. And he loved that, because I'm so adorable and hot at the same time. It's a skill I have. I'm a child and a woman at once. He said something about how sleeping with someone is different than waking up with someone. I agreed. He had to work today, so this morning we had sweet sex again and made him late for work. I said "may I be so bold as to ask if I can stay here again tonight?" He said "you may be so bold. You'll recieve a reply via email with a fancy letterhead." And I said "like 'we regret to inform you'?" And he said "yes, or 'congratulations!'" To witch I replied with laughter to witch he replied with kissing and so it goes...
Now I'm sitting alone in his room, using his computer without permission, wating for Frenchie and her lovah to wake up and take me to Oxford. Also waiting for my vagina transplant so that I can be ready for tonight should I get the "congratulations" email. The problem is, I've already worn my orange dress...
Thursday, May 10, 2007
The Sky Has Been Claire-ified
I am too excited! I seriously feel so excited that I feel sick! I'm going to England tonight. TONIGHT! I woke up this morning feeling like it was the first day of school. You know that feeling? I hate it! Every year, I'd be sick and tossy turny. I hate the unknown! But it's weird because I know what awaits me in England. I've been to Frenchie's dorm before, I know her friends, her daily life, everything. I guess I don't know if I'm gonna sleep with English Gentleman or not. Oh man, I REALLY want to. It's so horrible because it's England and then immediately after it's Italy and my boy! That's bad. I feel bad that my boy is second but I didn't plan it that way! Argh!!! But...I'm too excited to care!
So...can someone tell me now if I'm going to sleep with English Gentleman or not? I'd really like to know just to take the freaking suspence out of the situation! I had sooooooooooo much fun with him, I just want a little repeat!
I really wish I had cool clothes that I love and that look really good on me. It just makes me feel good when I know I look good. What an obvious, unoriginal statement. Whatever. It's on my mind.
I had an annoying dream last night. I was in some sort of haunted college dorm house. There was no evidence that it was haunted, it was just common knowledge that it was. And I was flirting with my fellow Mermaid's friend. Then, for some reason, my fellow Mermaid thought I needed to be taught some sexual skills because I was nervous. Now that can be analysed easily enough: I'm nervous to sleep with English Gentleman/the Boy again after so long and I wish I had friends to talk about it with. But did my dream have to make it so...graphic? Did my friend actually have to show me what to do by pretending to be a guy? No. Now I feel weird about her. Not very, just enough that I don't want to talk to her right now, even though I really want to talk to her right now! Argh.
I miss reading your blogs! Even though I just read Miss Pants' and Arts Monkey's, I want more. I want to know what happens with Miss Pants and Arts Monkey and I want to know what's been happening with the rest of you! Like Arts Monkey, I wish all my friends lived on the same block. Then we can be Bloggers from the Block.
So...can someone tell me now if I'm going to sleep with English Gentleman or not? I'd really like to know just to take the freaking suspence out of the situation! I had sooooooooooo much fun with him, I just want a little repeat!
I really wish I had cool clothes that I love and that look really good on me. It just makes me feel good when I know I look good. What an obvious, unoriginal statement. Whatever. It's on my mind.
I had an annoying dream last night. I was in some sort of haunted college dorm house. There was no evidence that it was haunted, it was just common knowledge that it was. And I was flirting with my fellow Mermaid's friend. Then, for some reason, my fellow Mermaid thought I needed to be taught some sexual skills because I was nervous. Now that can be analysed easily enough: I'm nervous to sleep with English Gentleman/the Boy again after so long and I wish I had friends to talk about it with. But did my dream have to make it so...graphic? Did my friend actually have to show me what to do by pretending to be a guy? No. Now I feel weird about her. Not very, just enough that I don't want to talk to her right now, even though I really want to talk to her right now! Argh.
I miss reading your blogs! Even though I just read Miss Pants' and Arts Monkey's, I want more. I want to know what happens with Miss Pants and Arts Monkey and I want to know what's been happening with the rest of you! Like Arts Monkey, I wish all my friends lived on the same block. Then we can be Bloggers from the Block.
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