Hallows not Horcruxes

Um...best book ever. Best. There has never been a better book ever. So, the hype is absolutely deserved. In fact, I don't know if there was even enough hype. I have never read anything better than this. Am I making myself clear?

Antici...PATION

I think I've already used this title and the one before it, but they're absolutely necessary. Have I ever mentioned that I HATE SUSPENSE? I feel like I'm going to cry. My best friend and I, when we were kids, used to not be able to sleep on Christmas Eve. Just knowing that Santa was out there! Knowing that tomorrow everyone would be so happy opening their presents! Big family brunch! How could you possibly get any rest???

So tonight, just EIGHT hours away from opening Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the book I've been waiting for for 2 years, but really about 6 years, how does anyone expect me to sleep? It's impossible! I'm wide awake! That's why they put it out at midnight in MOST places, because no kid, or grown up for that matter, could sleep knowing it would be out the next day.

Two whole years of wondering where all the Horcruxes are. Two whole years of waiting for proof that Snape is good. SIX WHOLE YEARS of imagining the scene where Ron and Hermione express their undying love for each other.

You'd think, if I waited that long, I could wait another seven hours and forty five minutes...

Well, technically, I can wait, but what do I do til then??? Blog? Read erotic stories? Stalk people on facebook? Watch About A Boy a couple times? Write to EG three times? check, check, check, check, and check. NOW WHAT?

Fever

I honestly think I might have a heart attack or something before Harry Potter 7 comes out. It actually hurts not to have it. I accidentally read a really unreliable spoiler page. Well, I just read the first line. But it was enough to give me a heart attack. I don't believe it. It can't be true.

I need to read this book.

Stripped of My Creative Juices

Now I can't even blog properly because I just like lyrics that are already written. Here's "Despair in the Departure Lounge" by the Arctic Monkeys:

He's pining for her
In a people carrier
There might be buildings and pretty things to see like that
But architecture won't do
Although it might say a lot about the city or town
I don't care what they've got keep on turning them down
It don't say the funny things she does
Don't even try and cheer him up, because
It just won't happen

He's got the feeling again
This time on the aeroplane
There might be tellys in the back of the seats in front
But Rodney and Del won't do
Although it might take your mind off the aches and the pains
Laugh when he falls through the bar
But you're feeling the same
'Cause she isn't there to hold your hand
She won't be waiting for you when you land

It feels like she's just nowhere near
You could well be out on your ear
This thought comes closely followed by the fear
And the thought of it
Makes you feel a bit
Ill

Yesterday I saw a girl
Who looked like someone you might knock about with
And almost shouted
And then reality kicked in within us
It seems as we become the winners
You lose a bit of summat
And half wonder if you won it at all

And don't say 'owt 'cause you've got no idea
And she's still nowhere near
And the thought comes closely followed by the fear
And the thought of it
Makes you feel a bit...
Ill

Despair in the departure lounge
It's one and they'll still be around at three
No signal and low battery
What's happened to me

EG played that for me a lot when I was there. I fucking love him.

In My Head/Merry Melodies

Here's what's in my head right now:

EG, hot EG, gorgeous EG, funny EG, Ron and Hermione, Horcruxes, EG, EG, EG, love, love, love, holding hands, kebab, sexy EG, Toronto, showing lovely EG around Toronto, taking EG to Wonderland, Ron and Hermione, just seven more days, then 36 days after that til I see wonderful EG, parties with all my friends, Harry and Ginny, Voldemort, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, hot hot hot EG, Fred and George, Dumbledore, EG, England, Manchester United, EG at my house, EG in my bed, I don't have a bed, EG and me under a tree.

Isn't that facinating?

* * * * *

I'm trying to write a song. I'm not succeeding. Well, technically, I've written part of a song but it's not very good. It's okay...I dunno. I need the other Mermaid to help me out.

EG suggested some songs. And by "some" I mean all of his favourite songs. I like "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol a lot. I also like the Arctic Monkeys and the look on EG's face when he sings "Cigarette Smoke"--it makes me rocking yet in no time! The problem is, with all these incredibly apt songs, I can't write my own anymore! They've found better words and melodies to express how I feel! That's why I'm an actress. I can never find the right words, but other people can who can't say them. I can say them. And I do. Or will the next time I get the chance.

In the meantime, I just wish I could write EG a perfect song and cook him a perfect meal and that way I'll get to his heart through his ears and his stomach. I think I already made it to his heart...aww.

young love

my 16 yr old cousin, who up until 5 minutes ago, I could have sworn was around 13, is totally in love. like so much so that his facebook status, indeed, his entire facebook page, is all about how much he is in love. he loves his "shawna" and will forever and cannot get enough of her and wants to be with her all the time.

ain't it great?

Stupefy!

Just got back from seeing Harry Potter 5 at the cinéma in Lausanne. I was sitting in the front row with my arms crossed, shaking my head at the screen and sometimes mumbling "no" and "that's not right" and "what?"

Nevermind, I'm completely distracted by my Gentleman. He's so dirty and sweet at the same time. How is that possible?

Did I already mention one of my favourite parts of the week with him? I think I have to because it is one of my favourite parts of the week. On my last night, after a hellofalot of sex, I fell asleep and it was only 1am...sleeping is giving in...and he was watching me and then he woke me with a kiss. "You fell asleep," he said "and I got scared and had to wake you up." Is that not the sweetest thing in the world? "I thought, 'this is it, this is the last time I'm going to see her sleep' and I didn't want it to be over." I almost cried.

But seriously about Harry Potter. I saw the whole freaking book done perfectly in my head and they fucked it up royally! Who let them get away with it?!

Not at All

The title of this post is two-fold:
1) people keep asking me how I am. Well, "not at all well" is my real answer. I'm lonely, cold, bored, frustrated, tired, stressed, guilty, worried, gaining weight again, having bad dreams, and my head almost always hurts. And I believe this snippet of song applies:
-Lefou, I'm afraid I've been thinking.
-A dangerous passtime.
-I know!

2) If you ask EG if he minds something, for example, "do you mind if I open the window?" and his answer is "not at all," it is the cutest thing in the world. It makes me giggle as he sounds like a Beetle. Hee hee. Try to hear it in your head. Or, better yet, if you know an Englishman, ask him to say it for you. It's absolutely adorable.

But number 2 can relate to number 1 because it just increases my loneliness.

On the plus side, I'm going to see the Harry Potter movie tonight which is kind of exciting, but not nearly as exciting as the fact that next saturday, I will be reading the seventh book. I will actually have the pages in my hands and the content in my head. The thought is so huge that I might throw up.

TO to NYC!

Okay, he's fine in New York and wants to come see me when I get home! I'm hoping to do a road trip to go get him around the end of August. Anyone wanna come??? ...anyone have a car?

In the Dark

I haven't heard from EG since he called me the night I left him.

I don't even know if he made it to New York okay! Where is he? How is he? How is there no internet where he is?! His phone is off! I have no way of contacting him! Why? When will I hear from him again? I need my fix!

Ain't Misbehaving

I've been reading a lot of Romeo and Juliet. I really like love stories. I like love stories that work out. Happy endings. No endings.
I want to act again. I want to play a character who falls in love. I'd be so convincing.
I want to wake up with EG again.
I want to have my own place and have him live down the street and then come over for dinner. Well, first dinner, anyway. I can't feed him all the time, he eats like a ...maniac.
When I go home, he's going to come visit me.
I keep imagining it and it's one of my best fantasies.

Saturday night. I have nothing to do. I have no money. I have no friends. I have no lovah. I have my guitar and my journal and...considering my circumstances, I'm okay with that.

No one to talk with all by myself
No one to walk with but I'm happy on the shelf
Ain't misbehaving, I'm saving my love for you...

My Mind Is On The Blink

I need you to make me laugh.

I need you to play guitar.

I need you to hold my hand.

I need you drinking at the bar.

I need you to pinch my cheeks.

I need you to slap my bum.

I need you to kiss my eyes.

I need you to make me come.

I need you to cook for me.

I need you to call me hot.

I need you to touch my hair.

I need you here. You are not.


"Show me how you do that trick! The one that makes me scream," she said, "the one that makes me laugh," she said, and threw her arms around my neck. "Show me how you do it and I promise you, I promise that I'll run away with you."

Rain In My Shoes

The farther away I got, the more it hurt. It literally felt like something was being ripped out of me.

Definitely the most amazing week. That doesn't describe it. I over-emphasise everything, I know. I shouldn't have done that because now I can't explain this. I can't explain the pure joy I experienced all week and the incredible agony I'm feeling now. I'll try to be clear and not...well, myself. It'll have to be in point form.

- He took me to see The Lord of the Rings in London. On Drury Lane. We ate at Porters. We drank wine. We were mesmoriesed by magic. I can't tell you everything. I just can't, you had to be there. But...I'm kinda glad you weren't. I'll do other stuff with you. You understand, I'm sure.

- He played songs for me. Songs he wrote. I gave you one line. I want to give you all of them. I think it's better that some things are kept to ourselves. Though, if you want to have a sleepover with me, I'm sure I'll tell you every single detail. Let's just say the songs are orgasmic.

- Speaking of orgasms. BEST. SEX. EVER. So, so amazing. Three times a day. Quality and quantitiy. I was constantly horny (as was he) and I was completely satisfied. If in pain. Sitting is difficult.

- Haha, he eats 5 meals a day. Not 5 small meals, no, 5 real meals a day with gigantic portions of meat. He is a big strong football man. I feel petite in his arms. He said I was "only tiny."

- He is so hot. I don't know if I mentioned that. But...so so hot. I can't get over it. I would just glance his way and get wet. So hot. And there's this song by the Arctic Monkeys that he sings that is just...sex in music form. Goddammit he's sexy.

- Sweetest boy ever. Being held by him is ...better than anything. Anything. I could give up peanut butter and I think even chocolate if that somehow allowed me to be held by him more.

I don't know what I'm going to do until I next see him. Probably die.

ps okay, here's another line. "There's rain in my shoes cause I'm better off out, I've been walking for miles trying to figure you out. Yet I know what I need to, I just wanna see you again."

Happiness is...

Being in England.
Having my face touched.
Being listened to.
Being sung to.
Being teased.
Being tickled.
Staring into sparkling blue eyes.
Brushing lips lightly.
Kissing hands.
Heavy breathing.
Resting on a lap.
Being told I'm a "wonderful lady."
Being told my smile is "glorious."
Smiling all the time.


Listening to a song for me.

Happiness is:

"maybe love and music will help bridge our divide."