Here is a list of things that happen -- they just happen, so I'm not going to get upset about them anymore, even if I'm PMSing:

* Technology fails me. I cannot rely on it.

* New shoes give me blisters. They rip my ankles to shreds.

* Commercials suck.

* I often accidentally break spiderwebs with my face.

* Right after I spend a tiny bit of money superfluously, I need it for a problem that arises.

*Children won't listen (sometimes).

* Roommates will write passive aggressive notes on the fridge.

* Nail polish will get ruined in the drying period.

* Webcam sex is not simple.

* My mother will unintentionally make me feel bad when I really need her to make me feel good.

* Cheap shampoo makes my hair feel like shit.

* Stretchy jeans don't fit well if you wear them for a whole day.

* Everything -- EVERYTHING -- costs money. Usually more than I thought.

* Taxi companies don't care about me and so I have to wait and call and call again.

* Kids under five will kick me in the face.


I just realised how negative this is! But really, it's a good thing because I'm putting these things in bubbles and blowing them away. Here's why I can handle them:

* Technology -- when it fails me, I do something fun!

* Blisters -- the worse the blisters, the sexier the legs!

* Commercials -- so I turn off the TV! Plus, I can watch online or rent good shows.

* Spiderwebs -- I feel like a fairy.

* Money -- the thing I spend it on is often worth it, i.e. food with friends or skinny jeans.

* Children -- I get to give them back, or, they end up listening.

* Roommates -- they also write nice comments on my facebook profile picture.

* Nail polish -- nobody cares. and if they do, I don't like them. did you know they call it nail varnish in some places? Crazy.

* Websex -- a) I won't have to do it much longer, b) it's fun and funny.

* Mommy -- makes me feel good when I least expect it and didn't know I needed it.

* Bad shampoo -- the crappiness makes me have to put my hair up in a messy way and I like it.

* Stretchy jeans -- a) You feel like you're quickly losing weight, no matter what you eat that day and b) when you wash them, they fit like a charm again.

* Money -- There's nothing that makes this good. But there's no use complaining because it doesn't help and it spreads bad karma. The lawyers who charge 60 bucks for 30 seconds of their time to sign a fucking form and THAT'S IT, well, their karma is shot and I will see them in their fire-y money hell from my fairy dust full paradise.

* Taxi companies -- I have a bike, I'll be with my man soon, I'm still safe and sound, jumping into bed super late is a really good feeling.

* Getting kicked in the face -- They pay me $15 an hour. I'm a warrior, I can take it for $15 an hour.



So that's better. I can breathe. I don't need to stress out about these things. It's pointless. Because they are inevitable, unstoppable happenstances that I have absolutely no control over. There's a lot that I can control and I feel so good when I exercise that control! For example -- I'm wearing skinny jeans and I look really, really hot.