I Want It All (Ooh Yeah!)

Wow, I was all preachy, "you must blog!" and now it's been so long since I last blogged.

Sorry!

I keep bouncing back and forth between being completely depressed, mopey, unmotivated and lazy to energetic, productive, positive and "back in the game!"

It's hard to choose which one I really am. I'd settle for a happy medium--a place where I have a job and an apartment that I like and can afford respectively, and where I'm fairly motivated to write my album and audition, be energetic and eat well. I suppose that's completely the latter rather than the former. 

But seriously, y'all. What am I doing here? What the hell am I doing here? 

I keep bouncing back and forth between asking that question and answering it. 

I'm going to choose the positive. I'm here because I'm going to break into the film scene. I have until June. 

Here's what I need to do:

1. Find another job that pays well. Right now, I'm looking to be a server because it pays the best. Other than Nannying for which I am overfuckingqualified and for some reason, can't find a family. But serving happens at night which is better for auditioning anyway.

2. Find a place to live that is cheap, near some stuff, with people who aren't judgmental (ps, did you know that judgmental has no "e" as in judgE? I always thought it did. Go figure.) or dickheads.

3. Audition and get student films. Be in them and be amazing in them.

4. Get an agent and audition for stuff.

5. After being in a few student films, make a demo reel (a cheap one, somehow) to improve my chances of landing a gig in film or television.

All this has to be done while making enough money to pay off my debt. Also, I must get skinny really fast.

Now, all this is possible. It is. It is possible. I can have it if I want it. I have to remember that. If I want it to happen, if I make it happen, if I try--it will happen! I can have it all!

I WILL have it all!!!!!!!!!!!!

How are you?

Where Are We?

Seriously friends, where have we been?

So much is happening, I'm sure, so let's blog about it! I like you guys, I miss you guys, let's stay in touch for serious.

I'll start:

I'm not motivated again. All signs point to the fact that I'm a lazy person. Except when I'm with other people. I like being with other people more than being alone. Am I the only one who feels this way? No. But that doesn't change the fact that there's no one here.

So why am I here all by myself, you ask? Nobody asked that Heidi. I'll ask it, why am I here all by myself?  Well, it's because there are a lot of opportunities here that are not in Toronto even though I love Toronto. I also don't like everyone breathing down my neck about my debt all the time. I'm here to deal with it on my own and that's what I'm doing. I'm in the midst of getting a super sweet job that will cover rent, debt and then some. So that's good.  

I miss my man so so so so so much. But he misses me too, so that makes me happy. Both of us are well aware that "anything can happen" in a good way or a bad way or both, and we're trying to be okay with that. Well, he has threatened to kill anyone who "tries it on" with me (to which I responded "aaawww!") and I said I really don't want to know if he sleeps with any stupid girl who clearly is not remotely close to being as good as me at anything. I'm pretty sure I'm the loveliest person he'll ever meet.  So I'm confident. We're trying to work out how to see each other at Christmas and he actually said the words "I loved Christmas with your family," which made me beam for a couple hours. I think his parents will buy him a ticket to Toronto for Christmas/birthday/graduation.  That would rock because I have no money to help him. So Christmastime will be another dream come true!

There's not enough theatre here. I really do need to lose weight and audition for films more than ever.  It's making me nervous. But you'd think that my lack of cash should work well with my need to eat less. Right? Right. I need to do non-paying student films and build up a demo-reel. Exciting.

Aaaaand, that's the best I gots for now. I need to go read my fantasy book to make me feel good and kind of escape from babysitting. Not that I don't like babysitting, but I like escaping from any work that isn't performing. It'll always be that way.

Oh no, wait, I have one more thing:

I love watching The Office, the US version. I obviously love the UK version more, it's the original, and it's genius. But the US version has more because that's what Americans are like. More of a mediocre quality instead of less genius quality. It's okay though, because the love story is really good and I've really grown attached to the characters. But now I've seen them all and I literally have to wait for episodes to come out like some common peasant.

Okay, now you blog.