Living Life in Peace

I forgot what I was going to write because I just read Skinny's new blog and it put the song "Pieces of You" by Jewel in my head. ...you say he's a faggot...

I was going to say something about the fact that I'm out of the slump. It's over. It's been years, I think, and just like that, it's gone, I can feel it. 

I dunno what it was, just a new year, a clean room, a fresh outlook, settling in, saddling up, auditioning 4 times in one week, having a few friends, lighting a few candles. It's nice, I like it.

I'm not going to dwell in the fact that the slump is over, but I will revel in my newfound self.

I've written a bit more to my book...s. I'd forgotten that the bit I wrote a couple nights ago is from another story completely. Sigh, will I ever finish anything?  Well, one of my books is coming together quite nicely! Imagine if I really, truly wrote a children's novel??? Imagine if it got published and sold and that's how I made my fortune? Insanity.

In other news, at one of my auditions, I pulled the old Claire is a brilliant slacker/improviser trick and ROCKED a monologue I learned that afternoon. It was so fucking funny y'all. My character was brilliant, I made the dude laugh like 5 times. Very unique and clever, if I do say so myself. I really love interpreting scripts MY way.

So, in short, I love acting, children's novels and honeycomb candles.

Cheater Cheater Vampire Eater

Some people have all the luck. There's probably a girl out there who was born with the same amount of talent and passion I was born with, but maybe her parents were famous musicians. Maybe her father was a successful director, her mother an opera singer. Said lucky girl grew up in a theatre! Money was never a problem for her, she started training in the womb, she was born with more connections than she knows what to do with.

Well, there would be no use in feeling bitter about that lucky girl's lot. I'm lucky too, just in different ways. I use what I have to make the best life I can possibly have. It's been such a grind lately but I truly feel I'm on my way. This year is my year, like I said. I know it will be a bumpy road and I'm okay with that. I embrace it. I can't wait to tell the story of how I got successful.

Now, I've just found out that really close friends of mine, a whole family in fact, are on depression medication. None of them are clinically depressed. Um, what? I don't understand it. Maybe I'm selfish, but my first reaction was one of outrage. "That's not fair!" I kept repeating, "That's cheating!" Those were the thoughts running through my head and out of my mouth.

We all have problems. Even lucky theatre girl. We deal with them. Don't you think it's cheating to go on medication to make you feel better about...life?! I mean, I don't know if any of you are on any sort of medication, so I'm sorry if I'm insulting you. I just don't get it.

No, I do get it, it's just not fair! Most people have to stick it out, don't they? I mean, it's like taking speed to stay up all night to study for a test--that would be considered cheating, wouldn't it? Taking steroids to help your muscles get bigger faster--totes cheating. Popping depression pills to stay happy when everyone else is trying to create their own happiness--it must be cheating! It's not fair!

On a slightly different note, all of you who know me know that I'm scatter brained, not so good a keeping tidy and organised. Well, I got a bit better in Switzerland, and now my room is perfect. I mean, there's nothing in there I don't use and there's a place for everything. It looks nice, I put away everything at the end of the day, I even make my bed every morning. I expect my life to fall into place as a direct result of this (and hard work and dedication, blah blah blah).

My roommates, the sex ones, are pretty successful musicians for their age. I mean, every time I talk to them, they're on their way from or to a recording studio or a gig or to teach. They have business cards for all their different bands and groups and they have promotional photos for everything. Wouldn't you think people like this wouldn't be messy people? Their rooms (the one they work in and the one they fuck in) are worse than the worst mine has ever been. Seriously. I don't know how they get anything done. They live in filth. Well, not filth, they're not dirty, just really really messy. And...

That's not fair! That's cheating! How do they keep their lives in order with messy rooms! I couldn't do it! It cluttered my brain, made me forget things, there was no way to keep track of my schedule! How do they do it?

Am I being unreasonable? Am I just searching for things to be jealous of? I hope not. I don't think so.

Anyway, I'm going to fight vampires the clean way. In every sense. I don't know if that's something I should be proud of, and I will certainly try not to boast. Chances are, there won't be much to boast about, but at least I'm trying.

My New Year

My wonderful man just left again, assuring me that he's quite excited for our next adventure which will come before we know it. After a tearful goodbye, I read a little Nick Hornby (Slam, it's a year old and I didn't even know about it!) and tried to pull myself together. I had a ticket issue with my own flight--I won't be back to Vancouver until Thursday--and there was a very surprisingly kind employee who did not charge me an expensive flight change fee! Really good way to kick off the year (as somehow I feel the year didn't start 'til EG disappeared...).

I can feel it: this year will be so much better than the last. I'll be so much stronger! I am so much stronger. It's excellent.

In keeping with kind of tradition, here are my New Year's Resos:

1. Save all twoonies in a jar.
2. Write more songs.
3. Work out 4 times a week (at least).
4. Help people more (but mostly my mommy).
5. Don't turn down jobs or skip work ever, for any reason unless I have to be at another job or literally cannot get out of bed.

I've learned that you can't just set a goal, saying "I want to be more in shape" because that doesn't tell you what actions to take and it feels like you're on your way to achieving the goal just because you declare that you want it. Or at least that's how I feel. When I set my sights on something, my mind just assumes I have it, I brush off my hands and say "well, I'm glad that's over with. Well done, Alathariel." So I can't keep doing that. I think this year, the resolutions are specific to daily and weekly life.

I like life. This year's going to be a good one, I can feel it.

Note: As I write this, I can hear the old lady who lives downstairs snoring. The whistling kind. It's haunting.