Ssssssssssssssssssteam Heat

Holy crap it's hot in my apartment. Neenia, you got out just in time.

My lovah and I are MUCH too hot to have any contact at all, let alone crazy sex. We slept on our futon as it's bigger than our bed. We had two fans on us all night and I kept spraying myself with the bottle normally reserved for diciplining my cat.

I'm actually going to the gym right now. It'll be air conditioned, so I won't actually sweat as much on the elyptical (sp?) as I did sleeping.

But another thing. Oh another thing.

Skinny Rabbit, I'm sure the Ottawa Transit System sucks. But do you remember Toronto? Well the TTC went on strike yesterday. Yup, apparently they--like everyone else in the universe--decided they don't want to work on Mondays. BUT WE ALL WENT! I walked for two hours to get to work on not so flat ground. Then had to have a slightly uncomfortable drive with my boss. Then had to walk for what I thought would be ten minutes but was actually fourty five, to get to the GO Bus--it runs! And I was late for rehearsal.

My tip cup at work said: "The Why Do I Have A Metropass Fund"

Dude, I'm seriously pissed off. I demand revenge. If I don't get money back from last month's pass and a free pass for next month, then I think all the TTC employees should have to walk for 4 hours up and down Yonge Street in the sun. That's the logical consequence.

But the experience made me realise that walking to work is not the worst thing in the world. It was just bad because I was angry (that's not every day) and hot (which I'll be better prepared for in the future).

So I propose--if I don't get my free stuff--a boycott to the TTC! I don't need it! I refuse to get a pass! Who's with me?

Too Much Caffeine

I am in a strange mood!

My hands are shaking.

I felt so anxious this morning, money, duties, preparation, blah blah blah (wash it all away).

And then I got to TA a shakespeare (my specialty) class that made me feel so good about myself! I'm useful! I'm helpful! I'm smart! I'm funny!

Then I had a crazy conversation with my lovah about everything. I'm happy! I'm sad! I'm satisfied! I need more! I'm horny! I'm hungry! I'm hot! I'm ugly! I'm important! I'm insignificant! I'm free!

Then more anxiety about money, duties, preparation, blah blah blah!

Then talking to people it's difficult to talk to! I feel weird! Wait, they have a different definition of "weird," they think it means "dirty" or "gross" or "innapropriate!" Find another word to describe how I feel! Joyful! Crazy! Weird! No! Not weird! Funny! Anxious! Loving! Angry! Confused! But in a good way! But in a weird way! I don't know!

I'm trying to redefine the word "God" so that when other people use it, I don't picture an old man wearing a toga throwing lightning bolts and listening with understanding. I'm trying to visualise "Mother Earth" every time someone says "God." Or something. Ah!

I am inspired to do or do not. There is no try. That's hard because I'm going to try to do or do not. That does not make sense. I need to do. Or do not. There is no try. Beat it with a stick, Alathariel.

I will be satisfied. I will be good. I will tone my arms. I will not watch so much TV. I will save money. I will spend time with everyone I want to spend time with. I will have my theatre. I will have my TV show. I will have a gazillion dollars. I will sing like an angel. I will be in the original cast of something special. I will make other people feel special. I will help. I will pay my mother back for everything she has done. I will be a sister. I will learn more. I will teach better. I will not lose my patience. I will neither a borrower nor a lender be. I will be a mother. I will eat well. I will not lose sight of important things. I will be important. I will be humble. I will be organised. I will stay crazy. I will grow up. I will belt like a banshee. I will fuck like a tiger. I will rock like a superstar. I will hit the heights. I will continue to do my laundry. I will travel. I will have a home. I will share. I will get what I want. I will grow my hair. I will be idolised. I will be loved. I will be immortal. I will be creative. I will be productive. I will answer questions. I will learn Empire Strikes Back off by heart. I will stay up late. I will cook. I will not nag. I will do what is right. I will be spectacular. I will feel the love. I will spread the love.

Following each one of those, add "starting now!"

I'll always be starting.

Love is a sickness and it's cure. Perpetual rejuvination.

Know what I mean?

You Can't Trust Women

So it says on my Rogers box that Gilmore Girls is on right now on chanel 27, the women's network. But do you know what's on? An infomercial for something called Turbo Jam. What the fuck? I really wanna watch Gilmore Girls! It gives a full description of the episode and everything. It's a good one! Why is turbo jam on? It's crap! the people are tanned orange with white blond hair. (Neenia, when I say "bawdy" you say "jayam!") This is bullshit.

Know what else is bullshit? well I can't tell you because it's a secret. It's no big deal but I cannot betray someone's trust. The main thing is someone did something that I thought should have been done with me if done at all. Whatever. I'm being rediculous. But I just wanna be the most important person in everyone else's life, is that too much to ask?

I'm just upset because the only thing that's on right now is KING OF THE HILL! WHY? WHY? WHY?

No Red Roses and Waterfalls for Me!

My lovah and I were talking about how he's not romantic. At all.

He didn't quite agree with me, and I gave him an example. "When I cry," I said "you hate it. But you don't say it's because you love me and you don't want to see a loved one hurt, you think of all these logical reasons why I shouldn't be crying. You don't even think it's because you love me and hate to see me sad, but that's what's going on."

I went on to say he doesn't believe in an epic love or soulmates or even true love.

And he said something like, where there's great romance, there's disfunction (but not as eloquently) to which I said "What do you mean?" And he said something like the more romance there is in a relationship, the more drama and therefore nothing is really healthy...somthing like that. Then he said--and this is the clencher--his parents, his role models for a couple, "are the kind of couple who will be together forever and that's what I think you and I have." As simple as that.

Dude, it's just a matter of time before the ring is on my finger.
Just kidding.

I didn't hear the rest of the crap he was talking about, something to do with everyone else, what the fuck do I care? Tears were streaming down my face, obviously I was hiding them, I didn't want him to see me cry because he luhs me so much.

We're gonna be together forever.

Who needs romance when you think that way?

All Alone at the Drive-in Movie

I have no friends!!!

When you're only counting on two people, you're gonna get screwed. Everyone who left me, COME BACK!!! If you come back now, I won't leave...okay I probaly will.

FINE! Stay in your crappy non-Toronto places.

I'm going to watch MORE what not to wear. And it's all your fault.

Would You Light My Candle?

So, it turns out, I'm not as cool as I thought. Go figure.

I love things that don't need electricity. I love gas ovens, coffee bodems, acoustic guitars. But faced with a day and a half of no power, I went crazy. I painted 4 horrible paintings, worked on my crappy book, read someone else's crappy book, wrote bad poetry, over-pet my cat, played with candle wax and burned myself.

I am completely addicted to having the TV face me while I play on the internet, checking my email, commenting on your blog and downloading music, getting something to eat, turning on all the lights and charging my cell phone.

Lame.

Maybe I should light my candles again.

You know what would help? Having millions of dollars. I'm convinced it would solve all my problems. Growing up fairly poor, I learned about the important things in life like friends, family and love. I'm good with those things. I'm happy. The only problems I have involve a lack of extreme wealth.

In conclusion, Toronto Hydro can go fuck themselves.

All the World's a Stage

I love acting! I love it!

And I know it's not the point, but I LOVE getting paid for it!

I have two characters to care about! I therefore do not care about customers or cutlery or tables or tequila anymore! Okay, I care a little about tequila still.

I got told by a Tarrot card reader that I was worried that what I was doing (career wise) was empty but it's not. I'm so glad he said it. Theatre is so not empty, even though I can't explain what it's actually full of.

Anyway, happiness is morning and evening, daytime and nighttime, too.

Manic Like Jim Carrey

How can one person feel so incredibly blah?

It's not even any specific time of the month when this usually happens. This Sunday I felt so excited, so positive about life, about the future. And all of a sudden, everything hit me, it all overwhelmed me. I don't even know what hit me.

On Tuesday, I got a horrible tip which made me sad about work. Then there were TTC problems and those always get me down. But this down? I thought it might be that my big book just finished and so I bought a new one. It's wonderful! I'm still down.

My lovah moved in and that should have been great, but my bad mood made it difficult to...be in a good mood. And then I felt bad about being in a bad mood around him which made my mood worse.

Today I got to do what I love (be in a room where everybody was talking about and performing Shakespeare) and so I was happy. (Most of them...all of them had trouble with it so I even had the satisfaction of helping people understand it!) Within the famous acting class circle, everyone shared great cathartic memories which I was so greatful to hear. But of course, I didn't really get to share because I was just there to listen. So when each person's memory struck one of my own, I had to hold it in. May I share one with you?

This summer, my Grandpa got really sick. We knew he was going to die. He was a record producer and he loved loved musical theatre. When we were in the hospital (for like a week) I thought to sing to him (because I think to sing to everyone) and he, in his incoherent way, asked for "Just My Bill." So I sang Bill and after the first chorus, he mumbled: "the next time, do it faster and heavier!" So I sang the second half fast and heavy with him trying to sing along. It was awesome.

That's the good part. But he looked so vulnerable. There was a time when the nurse came in and started to explain something that the doctor was about to do and he said "is that good or bad?" and it was the most helpless I've ever heard anyone sound. I didn't go back to the hospital and I was so thankful when he died. He didn't need to be like that anymore.

Thanks, it's been weighing on me.

But I'm still down.

Why am I choosing to be alone when there's a giant group of people I can be with?

Okay, now I have to write something good to balance this depressing crap out.

um...I just ate peanut butter and chocolate pudding at the same time. I used to do it in high school. So that was pleasantly nostalgic.

I love the way Newman on Seinfeld says "a banker!"

Dude, I'm usually fabulous. Check out my other posts. I just suck today.

No day but today...

Good/Bad

What makes a good girlfriend?

Usually the answer is: Me. I make a good girlfriend. But tonight I felt whiny and clingy.

I also felt ignored and unloved. Does that make him a bad boyfriend?

What is this stupid need girls have to say: "I just want you to include me in your life!" And what is the stupid need for guys to not respond. What's with "I don't know," or "uh huh," or "...?"

When will guys learn that all girls want is something?

When will girls learn that guys will never give it to them?

Okay, I'm starting to lack vision and creativity here. I'm not the same as every other girl. I'm not the same as anyone. I can have my own apostrophes (I think I mean epiphanies) about my relationship, not relationships in general. And I've come to the conclusion that why won't he include me in his life?!?!

Laugh on Line

Oh man. Remeber that body flow instructor that I am in love with? Well I googled him and guess what came up? MY BLOG! So if anyone googles him for any reason, you'll find obscene quotes from drunken posts!

This is very funny, but very embarrassing. So now, I'm gonna talk about myself, so that when I google myself, people will see how awesome I am.

Claire Rice, AKA Princesse Alathariel, is the most talented person in the world. You'll never meet anyone more gorgeous. Claire Rice is also incredibly smart and Claire Rice is really good in bed. If you are googling Claire Rice, then you have found the coolest website ever because you actually get to see inside Claire Rice. Please leave a comment for Claire Rice and you might have the chance that Claire Rice will grace you with her acknowledgement.

Indeed, Claire Rice is truly magical. Claire Rice controls the wind, did you know that? She--Claire Rice, that is--would like to know which element you connect with the most? Is it Air like Claire Rice? Or Earth or Fire or Water? Claire and Air rhyme, but Claire Rice hates it when you rhyme with her name.

If you googled Claire Rice because you were looking for the perfect present for her, here's what Claire Rice wants for her birthday (June 7th): A digital camera (how else will Claire Rice capture those Swiss moments?), pretty journals (but not as pretty as Claire Rice), candles, sandles and skirts. And gift certificates to book stores. Or just books. Claire Rice loves to read. And Claire Rice is very good at reading.

In conclusion, Claire Rice.

Take that Google!