okay, so I can't do titles on my blog anymore because it comes out coded! it's pissing me off!
a bunch of little/big things:
- I had a dream that Neenia was driving me and two mystery people around Japan/Korea. I called my friend who's already in Japan right now to say hello and she was like "wicked, let's meet at the beach." Neenia was driving like a maniac! over dunes and into children! But we had fun.
- I am the girl from 27 dresses! wtf? here are some thoughts on weddings: weddings cost a lot; it's hard to be unique when it comes to universal tradition; one girl doesn't need 3 showers, a bachelorette party, a jack and jill and a sleepover the night before; in my recollection, the sleepover the night before is the most fun; weddings cost too much; I want to sign the registry!; wedding gifts suck when you're poor and people's expectations are unreasonable; 5 weddings. one year.
- I told Neenia this: I'm afraid to tell people anything bad about EG because I'm worried they'll just say "ahh, then ditch him." No, we're not in the ditching phase anymore! it would take something HUGE to break us up! So if we have a problem, assume we're going to get over it very soon, I would just like your opinion on the best way to do that!
- I need a freaking haircut! I look like a bushpig.
- I love clean slates! that's so bad because I might just spend my whole life running away from dirty slates looking for clean ones...not a good idea! But I have a really good feeling about this one! And I'm using it to wipe away my old one!
- My breath is horrible because I drank Alabama Slammers last night. You have to order them like this: "Alabama Slamma" and I made my friend order like that and the girl didn't hear so it was really funny when she had to repeat it clearly!
- I need to pack! stop distracting me! I can't do things like pack or clean without company. I don't need help, I just need you to SIT there! come on over!!!
- I miss doin' stuff with Skinny! We need to make an internet show where we do stuff but we're too far away!
Enough for now, I think...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
It seems as if I'm lacking in motivation. But that can't be true, can it? I have all the reasons in the world to achieve my goals! For example, if it was my goal to murder someone, the detectives would say "her motivation was that he raped and pillaged her village." That's the strength of my motivation.
What I lack is drive, right? So like this dude destroys my whole village and I, instead of killing him--albeit, a dangerous plan that would take a lot of work and time--I sit on the fucking couch watching What Not to Wear eating a lot of cheese and bread.
My motivation for doing the things I want it huge. HUGE! What's stopping me from...doing them?! Surely the thought of not doing them is the worst case scenario, right? Clearly, I'm lazy like an old french whore. Je suis whore.
Well, I like to think it's outside influence getting in my head. And that debt thing. So I'm going to BC, with a clean slate there and a lot of monetary issues to deal with here. I'm hoping that if I deal with them from abroad, I can detatch myself from the emotional aspects of moolah while exploring a new place and creating art there. It's just so easy to put on a show. It's just so easy to write songs. It's so easy so find an agent. That's what I'm telling myself because that's what I'm going to do when I get to the West Coast. Those motherfucking vampires, like Neenia's, will die like...motherfuckers.
*****
I saw a movie last night called "Reign Over Me" starring Don Cheadle and Adam Sandler. Liv Tyler was also in it, she played a Psychologist (is that the kind sans meds? like just the therapist kind. that's her). I thougt she was good in it, but her character just bugged me a teeny tiny bit. Like she was being just a little too understanding, just a little bit patronising. She said the patient's name too much, know what I mean? Well, when I went to bed, I started imagining myself talking to a therapist a lot like Liv. And in my mind, I couldn't stop talking. There's SO MUCH going on in my mind! So much, man! Things I haven't thought about in years, things that happened yesterday, good things, bad things, food, money, love, new friends, old friends, not friends, hair, babies, jealousy, laziness, drugs, trips, parents, cats, aunts, uncles, smoking, houses, weddings, apartments, mess, laundry, books, when I was 12, the fact that I'm 25...so much. That's a veeeeeeery general overview of my thoughts. I could go on for pages about each thing and there are more things. I know I'm not unique in this. I know everyone is filled with thoughts. But how the fuck do people file everything away? I have this problem where I need to talk about things. When I do, the info gets sorted. Though I communicate often and freely, I think all the crap in my brain is stuff I haven't talked about, or I have, but with the wrong people. I feel like I've been forgetting something since I was seven years old. I'm on the plane and I'm about to shout "KEVIN" but right now, I don't know what it is I'm forgetting. I know it's important, like my son. It's killing me! I need to talk to someone! I bet everyone wants to talk to someone.
I would love some therapy.
What I lack is drive, right? So like this dude destroys my whole village and I, instead of killing him--albeit, a dangerous plan that would take a lot of work and time--I sit on the fucking couch watching What Not to Wear eating a lot of cheese and bread.
My motivation for doing the things I want it huge. HUGE! What's stopping me from...doing them?! Surely the thought of not doing them is the worst case scenario, right? Clearly, I'm lazy like an old french whore. Je suis whore.
Well, I like to think it's outside influence getting in my head. And that debt thing. So I'm going to BC, with a clean slate there and a lot of monetary issues to deal with here. I'm hoping that if I deal with them from abroad, I can detatch myself from the emotional aspects of moolah while exploring a new place and creating art there. It's just so easy to put on a show. It's just so easy to write songs. It's so easy so find an agent. That's what I'm telling myself because that's what I'm going to do when I get to the West Coast. Those motherfucking vampires, like Neenia's, will die like...motherfuckers.
*****
I saw a movie last night called "Reign Over Me" starring Don Cheadle and Adam Sandler. Liv Tyler was also in it, she played a Psychologist (is that the kind sans meds? like just the therapist kind. that's her). I thougt she was good in it, but her character just bugged me a teeny tiny bit. Like she was being just a little too understanding, just a little bit patronising. She said the patient's name too much, know what I mean? Well, when I went to bed, I started imagining myself talking to a therapist a lot like Liv. And in my mind, I couldn't stop talking. There's SO MUCH going on in my mind! So much, man! Things I haven't thought about in years, things that happened yesterday, good things, bad things, food, money, love, new friends, old friends, not friends, hair, babies, jealousy, laziness, drugs, trips, parents, cats, aunts, uncles, smoking, houses, weddings, apartments, mess, laundry, books, when I was 12, the fact that I'm 25...so much. That's a veeeeeeery general overview of my thoughts. I could go on for pages about each thing and there are more things. I know I'm not unique in this. I know everyone is filled with thoughts. But how the fuck do people file everything away? I have this problem where I need to talk about things. When I do, the info gets sorted. Though I communicate often and freely, I think all the crap in my brain is stuff I haven't talked about, or I have, but with the wrong people. I feel like I've been forgetting something since I was seven years old. I'm on the plane and I'm about to shout "KEVIN" but right now, I don't know what it is I'm forgetting. I know it's important, like my son. It's killing me! I need to talk to someone! I bet everyone wants to talk to someone.
I would love some therapy.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
rhymingscheme
How do you make me feel this way?
How can someone so far away
Remain at the forefront of my mind for so long?
My body rushing, dancing, flying,
Laughing, singing, floating, crying
Out "my love is everstrong!"
Never known a definite this sure,
Continuous explosions somehow pure-
Ly make their way out from my core.
My core, that molten-lava place,
Melted from your eyes-closed happy face
You make when you can't take much more.
That face that holds that mouth affects me so.
Two lips apart, mirroring my "oh,"
As I fall deeper, harder into you.
That image found it's clever way to sear
Itself upon my memory last year
And nothing short of death can wipe it clear.
So I love you still while you're not here.
It isn't sensical or planned out - but I do.
How can someone so far away
Remain at the forefront of my mind for so long?
My body rushing, dancing, flying,
Laughing, singing, floating, crying
Out "my love is everstrong!"
Never known a definite this sure,
Continuous explosions somehow pure-
Ly make their way out from my core.
My core, that molten-lava place,
Melted from your eyes-closed happy face
You make when you can't take much more.
That face that holds that mouth affects me so.
Two lips apart, mirroring my "oh,"
As I fall deeper, harder into you.
That image found it's clever way to sear
Itself upon my memory last year
And nothing short of death can wipe it clear.
So I love you still while you're not here.
It isn't sensical or planned out - but I do.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Holy.
Fucking.
Shit.
That's right. I said it. I copied Susan. And I meant it. That's what I plan to do from now on. copy-cat. it'll work. I'll turn it into an art.
in other news, I'm gonna have a concert. somehow. someday. somewhere. probably a couple sundays from now at the savannah lounge.
when my oldest friend and I were little, there was this girl named Savannah who was younger than us and she used to follow us around and she was SO annoying! You know when someone/something is annoying and you either roll your eyes or drop your head back...I don't know why either is an instinct, but there you go. So my friend and I, every time we saw her, we'd throw our heads back. Then we decided anytime we heard her name we had to do the same. In any context. Which is kind of funny, because when are you gonna hear "Savannah" when it's not about that one girl in our hood? And now I go to the Savannah Lounge once a month and I have to do the head thing every time I say/hear it.
Also, You know how people pronounce "well" like "wull?" Like if you ask someone why they don't want to go out and they say "wull, So You Think You Can Dance is on!" Well, we don't like that pronunciation so we have to do the head thing when people say "wull" too. We still do it.
Speaking of So You Think You Can Dance, I don't think I can, not well, but how I love it! I love Comfort and Will. There's just something about Comfort, and everybody loves Will.
Speaking of Love, I love EG. He's being so wonderful. He's magnificent. We're finally going to spend time together. Like real time. We're going to live somewhere new to both of us for almost two months. I'm excited and scared and thrilled and happy and not surprised! I love this feeling. I love being in love. I really do.
That wasn't my [title of show] but I can think of little else. Except my fantasy book. another blog for another day I guess.
ps I love magic.
Fucking.
Shit.
That's right. I said it. I copied Susan. And I meant it. That's what I plan to do from now on. copy-cat. it'll work. I'll turn it into an art.
in other news, I'm gonna have a concert. somehow. someday. somewhere. probably a couple sundays from now at the savannah lounge.
when my oldest friend and I were little, there was this girl named Savannah who was younger than us and she used to follow us around and she was SO annoying! You know when someone/something is annoying and you either roll your eyes or drop your head back...I don't know why either is an instinct, but there you go. So my friend and I, every time we saw her, we'd throw our heads back. Then we decided anytime we heard her name we had to do the same. In any context. Which is kind of funny, because when are you gonna hear "Savannah" when it's not about that one girl in our hood? And now I go to the Savannah Lounge once a month and I have to do the head thing every time I say/hear it.
Also, You know how people pronounce "well" like "wull?" Like if you ask someone why they don't want to go out and they say "wull, So You Think You Can Dance is on!" Well, we don't like that pronunciation so we have to do the head thing when people say "wull" too. We still do it.
Speaking of So You Think You Can Dance, I don't think I can, not well, but how I love it! I love Comfort and Will. There's just something about Comfort, and everybody loves Will.
Speaking of Love, I love EG. He's being so wonderful. He's magnificent. We're finally going to spend time together. Like real time. We're going to live somewhere new to both of us for almost two months. I'm excited and scared and thrilled and happy and not surprised! I love this feeling. I love being in love. I really do.
That wasn't my [title of show] but I can think of little else. Except my fantasy book. another blog for another day I guess.
ps I love magic.
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