Showtime?

So...I just had a sex dream about Skinny Rabbit. It was intense, and it was good. Really good. Actually, we never got to the sex, we were interrupted, but the foreplay promised the most intense sex of my life.

Superstar

I want to write good music and make a good album. I really do. I want a whole Princesse Alathariel album, self titled, 11 amazing tracks plus a secret a capella song. I want the songs to make people feel, think, sing along, light candles and meditate, listen to it in their cars, share with their friends and possibly dance. I want to record it in a proper studio with proper producers and musicians. I want it to be found at HMV. I want to be on youtube and Wikipedia. I don't care if it's platinum, if it never reaches Jagged Little Pill status. I don't care if I don't get nominated for best new artist at the Junos or the Grammys. But I want most people to say: "Princesse Alathariel? Yeah, I heard her, I really liked her album." And I want a few people to say: "Have you heard of Princesse Alathariel? You'd really like her album. Especially track 4." I want about 13 or 14 young women in each province to listen to my album with their eyes closed and really feel like I wrote it for them, or that they truly know me. I want like 50 guys to think "that Alathariel is pretty hot." or "cute." I don't want anyone to think I'm whiny or imposing or pretentious. I want to make a decent amount of money with this album, enough to get me by and make the producers happy that they helped me make it. I don't want to sell out. I want a few other musicians to respect me and jam with me a bit. I want to go on a small Canadian tour, either opening for a group, or sharing the headline with a few other similar artists. I want the album to provide opportunities for me, like my almost household name convincing a director to put me in a show without auditioning. I want to be recognised once a week, not by screaming fans, or even fans. I want to do a radio interview and play a song over the radio. I want to inspire people, even if it just makes someone put flowers in their hair. I want my mom, my friends, my lovah, my favourite teachers to be proud of me. I want to be part of it all. I want to write good music and make a good album.

Let's Do It

So, I'm not very lucky this year. Not really.

I had to move back in with my mom because I couldn't afford rent--not bad luck, I know, it's my fault, but it was sort of circumstantial...

I got toxic shock syndrome from spirit gum on my nipples when doing a burlesque show.

One of my very best friends moved away to BC and is getting married.

I'm a part of five weddings this year--none of them mine.

I can't see EG all summer.

My eyes and cheeks are as big as tennis balls and I don't know why and they won't go down.

Now, all of this may not seem so bad, but some of them are long term; debt, no EG, no friend in BC, no wedding. Okay, the no wedding one isn't bad luck either, it might actually be good luck. But it's not easy to watch everyone around you getting married, singing at their weddings and smiling through it all. Of course I'm happy for them, but I have a very jealous nature.

On the plus side, this year I've already been to New Brunswick and I'm going to New York and later BC and I'm hoping EG will invite me to either Cyprus or England for Christmas. Can't afford any of it, but there you go. Also, I just had the BEST two weeks with EG. Definitely the best time we've ever spent together. It was perfect. Much, much, much needed sex, and kinky sex at that, fun in the sun at the cottage, playing monopoly, good times at the zoo, lot's of comedy from England, the Beatles, and more laughter than ever before. Oh, and a lot of really hot sex.

But again, I look like a pug, so it's hard to feel very happy.

I just wanted to blog again. Let's get into that. I never see anyone--Neenia, it's up to us!--and I wanna know what's going on. Does anyone else have blowfish eyes?