I can't do anything right.
I lose things, I'm messy, I'm lazy, I lie.
I'm irresponsible.
I can't harness the Force or God or whatever Magic I need to help me do things right.
I feel like a joke of a human being. No, a joke of an adult.
No one can rely on me, everyone keeps expecting me to fuck up and with reason! It's what I do.
I'm not going to grow up. I'm a horrible, aging Peter Pan without the skills.
I would like to apologise to everyone for all of the stupid things I've done, am doing and will do that cause you hurt or harm. I see now that I can't help it and it would be best to expect it always so you are not further dissapointed.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Make Me a Gilmore Girl
Why can't I be more like Lorelai? I mean, I kind of already am a little like her, but I want to be her.
I can't stand watching the show because it just hurts that I'm not her.
I think she's how I see myself in like 7 years. That's what 30 year olds are like. And we know how I always want to be ahead of the game. My 30's woman hotness is on it's way, I shouldn't rush it.
Especially not when I'm constantly worried about wasting my youth. I need to lose weight so I can have guys pick me up on the beach and throw me into the ocean (my example of an early 20's girl).
Maybe if I have a cup of coffee, I'll be more like Lorelai. My cell phone rings in annoying places. I rock jeans. My cousin is a lot like Suki. But I don't have a "Luke's" or a daughter or a car or an inn or rich parents or a suit.
Oh well. I like singing and she doesn't seem to sing.
AAAAAAHHHHHHH! They just told me that stupid Miss Match will be replacing Gilmore Girls every night at 5 on W! Qu'est-ce que fuck?? What am I gonna do?
I can't stand watching the show because it just hurts that I'm not her.
I think she's how I see myself in like 7 years. That's what 30 year olds are like. And we know how I always want to be ahead of the game. My 30's woman hotness is on it's way, I shouldn't rush it.
Especially not when I'm constantly worried about wasting my youth. I need to lose weight so I can have guys pick me up on the beach and throw me into the ocean (my example of an early 20's girl).
Maybe if I have a cup of coffee, I'll be more like Lorelai. My cell phone rings in annoying places. I rock jeans. My cousin is a lot like Suki. But I don't have a "Luke's" or a daughter or a car or an inn or rich parents or a suit.
Oh well. I like singing and she doesn't seem to sing.
AAAAAAHHHHHHH! They just told me that stupid Miss Match will be replacing Gilmore Girls every night at 5 on W! Qu'est-ce que fuck?? What am I gonna do?
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
My second flower part 3
Okay, so i had sex with someone else. I'm allowed. I don't feel guilty anymore.
Mainly because now I've had sex with my lovah again, and it was way better and more awesome and I feel more like myself again.
Let's see, where did I leave off? Right, hottie baseball knight was being all weird. But at the end of Saturday night's dinner (at the Olive Garden, best ever but I wasn't feeling well) he gave me a hug and a smile and said he was cool with hanging out with me later. Then I passed out in my own bed with a girl. haha. She said I was great. He was supposed to come up and knock on my hotel door so we could hang out. But he didn't.
So then, the next day, close to tears, I told his best girl friend (who, by the way, is the coolest and I love her so much! She has her own drama that we've been gossipping about at the same time as my drama) that I felt silly and stupid. she said not to and that she thinks that he is just realising that he can't have me. So I kinda felt better, even though I think that is silly, as I knew he's not looking for a relationship.
anyway, what I don't get is how I can have a crush on someone else. It's a little weirder to call it a crush when I've already had sex with him...
So that is the story of the loss of my second flower.
Mainly because now I've had sex with my lovah again, and it was way better and more awesome and I feel more like myself again.
Let's see, where did I leave off? Right, hottie baseball knight was being all weird. But at the end of Saturday night's dinner (at the Olive Garden, best ever but I wasn't feeling well) he gave me a hug and a smile and said he was cool with hanging out with me later. Then I passed out in my own bed with a girl. haha. She said I was great. He was supposed to come up and knock on my hotel door so we could hang out. But he didn't.
So then, the next day, close to tears, I told his best girl friend (who, by the way, is the coolest and I love her so much! She has her own drama that we've been gossipping about at the same time as my drama) that I felt silly and stupid. she said not to and that she thinks that he is just realising that he can't have me. So I kinda felt better, even though I think that is silly, as I knew he's not looking for a relationship.
anyway, what I don't get is how I can have a crush on someone else. It's a little weirder to call it a crush when I've already had sex with him...
So that is the story of the loss of my second flower.
Monday, June 26, 2006
My second flower part 2
So the details.
The entire cast was sitting around the girlie's shitty hotel room, me and hottie baseball player in the small section towards the door. Everyone was bitching, he was bitching the most, the loudest, the angriest. Finally there was a lull on our side of the room, and I mumbled "do you know how rare it is that your room is empty?" And he said "good point."
He descreetly asked for the time and said "I'm going to bed." And I said "yeah, me too," a lot less discreetly. I'm an idiot. Note to you, don't trust me with stuff like that. Anyway, I went to his room, we started kissing, same as last week, same as the week before, except that no one was in the room...so there were no restrictions.
Very, very suddenly, it was happening. It was good (by the by, the problem of "more" was no problem. Turns out it's the same!) and fun. But, of course, being a girl, I got a little nervous...in the middle of it. Well, I didn't have time beforehand! So he said "are you okay" and I said "I'm just a little nervous...I've only done this with one other person and I'm just...worried..." blah blah blah... Then he kissed me harder but sweeter...but said nothing! Why didn't he say anything? The biggest appeal about him (other than his ass) is that he talked and stuff! That was always the fun part of the secret, quiet making out! So he said nothing, leaving me much more nervous. But whatever. I'm pretty sure I was awesome, and that is the most important thing!
It was fun. It was good. It was great. It's better with my lovah, but I don't regret what I did. (another by the by: bigger isn't better! Even my lovah thinks I'd have more fun with someone bigger, it's not true!)
So then, the next day, I felt very ignored. I felt ridiculous. Everything changed.
K I feel guilty and my lovah's home more later.
The entire cast was sitting around the girlie's shitty hotel room, me and hottie baseball player in the small section towards the door. Everyone was bitching, he was bitching the most, the loudest, the angriest. Finally there was a lull on our side of the room, and I mumbled "do you know how rare it is that your room is empty?" And he said "good point."
He descreetly asked for the time and said "I'm going to bed." And I said "yeah, me too," a lot less discreetly. I'm an idiot. Note to you, don't trust me with stuff like that. Anyway, I went to his room, we started kissing, same as last week, same as the week before, except that no one was in the room...so there were no restrictions.
Very, very suddenly, it was happening. It was good (by the by, the problem of "more" was no problem. Turns out it's the same!) and fun. But, of course, being a girl, I got a little nervous...in the middle of it. Well, I didn't have time beforehand! So he said "are you okay" and I said "I'm just a little nervous...I've only done this with one other person and I'm just...worried..." blah blah blah... Then he kissed me harder but sweeter...but said nothing! Why didn't he say anything? The biggest appeal about him (other than his ass) is that he talked and stuff! That was always the fun part of the secret, quiet making out! So he said nothing, leaving me much more nervous. But whatever. I'm pretty sure I was awesome, and that is the most important thing!
It was fun. It was good. It was great. It's better with my lovah, but I don't regret what I did. (another by the by: bigger isn't better! Even my lovah thinks I'd have more fun with someone bigger, it's not true!)
So then, the next day, I felt very ignored. I felt ridiculous. Everything changed.
K I feel guilty and my lovah's home more later.
My second flower part 1
At the beginning of fourth weekend in Pennsylvania, I was planning on continuing to make out with hottie baseball knight. I had thought about sex, but I decided there will be plenty of time to do that in Switzerland with non-cast member boys. So I get to my ride at the very first day of horny week (my pill makes me a slave to hormones!) and decide to play chicken with the other night. Well he was the only one who could reach, so he won...or I did. I don't know. Either way, I'm a slut.
Then I finally get there, worked up into a frenzy, and hottie baseball knight is in a horrible mood! The hotel gave away our rooms because there was a Garfield convention--for serious, and it was Christmas themed...isn't Garfield themed enough? So all of our rooms were spread about the whole hotel and the smokers got non smoking rooms...it was really annoying, but hottie baseball knight was the most annoyed. Really pissed and moody. That is when I realised that he is the kinda guy who makes the sun shine when he smiles at you and makes it rain when he looks away. Great. I didn't need that!
Now when I got over the initial shock of seeing him upset, I realised that he was uber hot when he was angry. My condition got worse!
I talked to his best girl friend who rode up with him and told her I'd cheer him up. She said "alright, but just so you know, he's looking to get laid!"
...And he did...more details later, I'm babysitting! This is very bad form!
Then I finally get there, worked up into a frenzy, and hottie baseball knight is in a horrible mood! The hotel gave away our rooms because there was a Garfield convention--for serious, and it was Christmas themed...isn't Garfield themed enough? So all of our rooms were spread about the whole hotel and the smokers got non smoking rooms...it was really annoying, but hottie baseball knight was the most annoyed. Really pissed and moody. That is when I realised that he is the kinda guy who makes the sun shine when he smiles at you and makes it rain when he looks away. Great. I didn't need that!
Now when I got over the initial shock of seeing him upset, I realised that he was uber hot when he was angry. My condition got worse!
I talked to his best girl friend who rode up with him and told her I'd cheer him up. She said "alright, but just so you know, he's looking to get laid!"
...And he did...more details later, I'm babysitting! This is very bad form!
Friday, June 23, 2006
Let's Hear It For The Boy!
Dancingantsinmypants gave me the idea to say I love my lovah. Oh I do.
I made a list when I was little: Everything I want in a guy. This list included:
*Intelligent
*Non-smoker
*Makes me laugh
*Gets excited when I'm excited
*Cooks
*Is not a suit
*Looks good in a suit
*Loves his and my family
Things like that.
Now, my lovah has all of those qualities, but I overlooked a very important one. I didn't have "I make him laugh."
And I do.
And now, that's one of my favourite things about him! I LOVE making him laugh! his eyes get all cute when he laughs and then he hugs me. nothing is better than that.
Tall, blond, skinny, sexy. Can't help lovin' that man of mine.
I made a list when I was little: Everything I want in a guy. This list included:
*Intelligent
*Non-smoker
*Makes me laugh
*Gets excited when I'm excited
*Cooks
*Is not a suit
*Looks good in a suit
*Loves his and my family
Things like that.
Now, my lovah has all of those qualities, but I overlooked a very important one. I didn't have "I make him laugh."
And I do.
And now, that's one of my favourite things about him! I LOVE making him laugh! his eyes get all cute when he laughs and then he hugs me. nothing is better than that.
Tall, blond, skinny, sexy. Can't help lovin' that man of mine.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Sex, lies and blog
Yikes! My cousin wants to read my blog. Should I let my family see this side of me? Well...I guess the only thing I'm worried about is the me having an open relationship and making out with hottie baseball player thing...But I don't care so she shouldn't, right? I don't judge her! Who is she to judge?!
(Side note: I met with the father of my Swiss charge again and again, he is the cutest man ever. He's so awesome! He wants me to send him a cd of me singing so he can find a band for me!!! OH, the point: he said he didn't have many questions for me because he goes with his gut and he DOESN'T JUDGE. I love people who don't judge.)
I'm having an artsmonkey moment; should I censor myself? For what? I don't really want/need to have secrets. I mean, this cousin won't mind at all. But what if she tells other family members. I know my mom wouldn't understand, I showed her a picture of hottie baseball player on my phone and when she said "he's cute" I said "I know" and she said "Claaaaaaaire!" and I was like "yo, bitch, get out ma face!" But really I was like "what? we're just friends!" Like I'm not allowed to think another guy is cute and take pictures of his ass. You can't tell me what to do, you're not the boss of me anymore! I'm having cookies before dinner!
And it's not like I'd be ashamed if my whole fam damily knew stuff about me, I just don't really want to have any stupid talks about it. I loathe serious talks. Except when they're on stage. And even then, I insist on laughing.
Oh well, Welcome [insert my cousin's blog name here] to the blog world and enjoy every detail of your cousin's life! Just don't tell ANYONE! Maybe I'll get to learn some things about you, too!
PS Congratulations to those bloggers who don't think twice before divulging all of your secrets!
(Side note: I met with the father of my Swiss charge again and again, he is the cutest man ever. He's so awesome! He wants me to send him a cd of me singing so he can find a band for me!!! OH, the point: he said he didn't have many questions for me because he goes with his gut and he DOESN'T JUDGE. I love people who don't judge.)
I'm having an artsmonkey moment; should I censor myself? For what? I don't really want/need to have secrets. I mean, this cousin won't mind at all. But what if she tells other family members. I know my mom wouldn't understand, I showed her a picture of hottie baseball player on my phone and when she said "he's cute" I said "I know" and she said "Claaaaaaaire!" and I was like "yo, bitch, get out ma face!" But really I was like "what? we're just friends!" Like I'm not allowed to think another guy is cute and take pictures of his ass. You can't tell me what to do, you're not the boss of me anymore! I'm having cookies before dinner!
And it's not like I'd be ashamed if my whole fam damily knew stuff about me, I just don't really want to have any stupid talks about it. I loathe serious talks. Except when they're on stage. And even then, I insist on laughing.
Oh well, Welcome [insert my cousin's blog name here] to the blog world and enjoy every detail of your cousin's life! Just don't tell ANYONE! Maybe I'll get to learn some things about you, too!
PS Congratulations to those bloggers who don't think twice before divulging all of your secrets!
Monday, June 19, 2006
Cry If I Want To Part 2/Baby Got Back
My family isn't throwing me a birthday! Just because I'm busy on the weekends and they are busy during the week. I cried when my mom told me that!
Qu'est-ce que fuck?! I really wanted a party! I can't afford cake whenever I want! I can't afford snacks! I can't afford the company of my family all the time! And I certainly can't afford pretty fairy hair ties, which is really all I wanted as presents.
humph.
In other news, hottie baseball player has caught me in a trap. He is the sweetest thing by night and totally aloof by knight (he plays a knight). Now I'm a little too interested.
At the end of yesterday, he took off most of his costume so he was just wearing his black velvet tights and knee high boots. Oh man. I stared so shamelessly. He noticed, but I notice when he stares at my boobs! Now he knows how it feels! ...kinda nice...but kinda creepy! But nice.
I need advice from Bedroom Prince on certain aspects of equipment that I'm not familiar with...it involves having more than I'm used to. Not more size, necessarily...but just more...you know?
There is so much to learn!
Qu'est-ce que fuck?! I really wanted a party! I can't afford cake whenever I want! I can't afford snacks! I can't afford the company of my family all the time! And I certainly can't afford pretty fairy hair ties, which is really all I wanted as presents.
humph.
In other news, hottie baseball player has caught me in a trap. He is the sweetest thing by night and totally aloof by knight (he plays a knight). Now I'm a little too interested.
At the end of yesterday, he took off most of his costume so he was just wearing his black velvet tights and knee high boots. Oh man. I stared so shamelessly. He noticed, but I notice when he stares at my boobs! Now he knows how it feels! ...kinda nice...but kinda creepy! But nice.
I need advice from Bedroom Prince on certain aspects of equipment that I'm not familiar with...it involves having more than I'm used to. Not more size, necessarily...but just more...you know?
There is so much to learn!
Friday, June 16, 2006
lost ring cat scratch no la vie boheme blues
Okay, first of all, in real player, my "rent mix" (a playlist that consists of my favourites from both the show and the movie) is for some stupid reason not working! Everything else is! I really wanna get ready to out tonight today!
Secondly, my cat had a hissy fit (literally, he was hissing like crazy) last night and scratched me a lot on my hands and wrists! I mean, yeah I look more like a warrior, but a lot less like a sane person...usually the look I'm going for.
I lost the ring that hottie baseball player gave me. That's not nice! I have to buy a new one when I get there just so I don't offend him. I suck!
There are almost done banannas in the kitchen that I WANT to eat! I really do! I just don't want to...
I get to play with a baby today! Hopefully, she'll remind me why I SHOULD NOT have a baby right now. Probably, she will make me want to have a baby right now.
There's this girl on msn whose name is "life is always waiting for you to live it!" Where does she get off?
I didn't get fired. I didn't get another job! Not cool.
I have pizza pockets in the oven! Woo hoo! Pizza for breakfast! Life is good!
I miss my friends. I had dinner with an old friend. We ended (as in divorced) a couple of years ago and it was awful. Very bad break up. Our dinner was light and casual and fun. And now, apparantly we're friends again. I need my other friends, the ones I've gotten close to in the past two years and the ones I loved in school, to help me stay me! where are you?
My lovah told me that I have beautiful eyes last night. And that I have great eyes. I think he rarely compliments me so that when he does, I have a tiny orgasm.
I want to write something. Almost only for the purpose of surprising people. Most people who know me don't think I write. They're right, but wouldn't it be cool if I did? However, if I had a writer friend who put out a cd or something, I'd be pretty pissed.
I just showered and my feet are still dirty. That means it's SUMMER!
I fell asleep on the couch last night and woke up with a broken arm. Well, that's what it felt like!
I'm starting to doubt weather Snape is good...I mean, he did kill Dumbledore...
I have a cavity and there's nothing I can do about it. Because sitting on your ass does not have a dental plan.
I don't have shoes again for the faire this weekend. I have to buy some today...for...2 dollars? I have a fan though! no face sweat for me!
If one more person tells me I'm sunburnt, I'll scream!
The way I'm sitting at my computer makes me look like a big ball of fat rolls! when I sit up, I look like a goddess!
There. My head is completely empty.
Secondly, my cat had a hissy fit (literally, he was hissing like crazy) last night and scratched me a lot on my hands and wrists! I mean, yeah I look more like a warrior, but a lot less like a sane person...usually the look I'm going for.
I lost the ring that hottie baseball player gave me. That's not nice! I have to buy a new one when I get there just so I don't offend him. I suck!
There are almost done banannas in the kitchen that I WANT to eat! I really do! I just don't want to...
I get to play with a baby today! Hopefully, she'll remind me why I SHOULD NOT have a baby right now. Probably, she will make me want to have a baby right now.
There's this girl on msn whose name is "life is always waiting for you to live it!" Where does she get off?
I didn't get fired. I didn't get another job! Not cool.
I have pizza pockets in the oven! Woo hoo! Pizza for breakfast! Life is good!
I miss my friends. I had dinner with an old friend. We ended (as in divorced) a couple of years ago and it was awful. Very bad break up. Our dinner was light and casual and fun. And now, apparantly we're friends again. I need my other friends, the ones I've gotten close to in the past two years and the ones I loved in school, to help me stay me! where are you?
My lovah told me that I have beautiful eyes last night. And that I have great eyes. I think he rarely compliments me so that when he does, I have a tiny orgasm.
I want to write something. Almost only for the purpose of surprising people. Most people who know me don't think I write. They're right, but wouldn't it be cool if I did? However, if I had a writer friend who put out a cd or something, I'd be pretty pissed.
I just showered and my feet are still dirty. That means it's SUMMER!
I fell asleep on the couch last night and woke up with a broken arm. Well, that's what it felt like!
I'm starting to doubt weather Snape is good...I mean, he did kill Dumbledore...
I have a cavity and there's nothing I can do about it. Because sitting on your ass does not have a dental plan.
I don't have shoes again for the faire this weekend. I have to buy some today...for...2 dollars? I have a fan though! no face sweat for me!
If one more person tells me I'm sunburnt, I'll scream!
The way I'm sitting at my computer makes me look like a big ball of fat rolls! when I sit up, I look like a goddess!
There. My head is completely empty.
Monday, June 12, 2006
burn
Ow. The sun hates me.
Holy crap. I totally got some Penn Renn action.
Making out with hottie baseball player was super duper fun.
This is a guy who I thought hated me all last summer. I thought he was so indifferent this summer...and turns out he likes me. He thinks I'm beautiful and...now he bought me a ring from the faire. great.
um, am I a bitch? I just wanted to make out! He knows that no one can replace my lovah! No one ever! Meh...does this mean I have to not make out with him next weekend? he's ruining my perfect situation with feelings! What is he, a woman?
In other news, I'm pretty close to being fired. I don't know why my boss has held on to me this long, I really deserve to be fired. I'm sun struck from the weekend...but really I just have to be at a school today because it is the play Annie! I didn't tell him that, I told him I have heat stroke.
I'm gonna get a doctors note to prove it! But that's just for the principal...maybe I should make it obvious that I'm lying so I can really really get fired. I found a new nannying job, but someone just quit at the restaurant and I don't want to leave them hanging...but hanging I shall have to leave them if I don't find anyone else...
I am a bitch. Usually I care more about others, I swear.
Okay, I have to go get completely ready for Annie...I have no props or costumes prepared. somebody kill me.
Holy crap. I totally got some Penn Renn action.
Making out with hottie baseball player was super duper fun.
This is a guy who I thought hated me all last summer. I thought he was so indifferent this summer...and turns out he likes me. He thinks I'm beautiful and...now he bought me a ring from the faire. great.
um, am I a bitch? I just wanted to make out! He knows that no one can replace my lovah! No one ever! Meh...does this mean I have to not make out with him next weekend? he's ruining my perfect situation with feelings! What is he, a woman?
In other news, I'm pretty close to being fired. I don't know why my boss has held on to me this long, I really deserve to be fired. I'm sun struck from the weekend...but really I just have to be at a school today because it is the play Annie! I didn't tell him that, I told him I have heat stroke.
I'm gonna get a doctors note to prove it! But that's just for the principal...maybe I should make it obvious that I'm lying so I can really really get fired. I found a new nannying job, but someone just quit at the restaurant and I don't want to leave them hanging...but hanging I shall have to leave them if I don't find anyone else...
I am a bitch. Usually I care more about others, I swear.
Okay, I have to go get completely ready for Annie...I have no props or costumes prepared. somebody kill me.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Cry if I Want To
That's right. It's my birthday.
I'm 23 years old...and exactly where I should be.
before you read this, I'd like you to know that I'm in a wonderful mood (with a slight hangover). I don't feel like crying at all!
Now...Exactly where I should be. I've always known my place. Inately that is. I never put myself in my place, I just exist there. For example, this girl told me I was square when I was 11. I was asking her to hook me up with a guy and she was saying that he would want to do more than just kiss. A lot more. And I just thought, I'm not square, I'm eleven!
These were the goals I made two years ago for my 23rd birthday:
-I must have a computer (check!)
-I must have had at least three paying gigs (just started my third!)
-I must have a paying gig lined up (well, I have one for september...I just might not be able to do it)
-I must be with the man I will marry (stupid goal, but I acheived it nonetheless)
-I must be able to pay $750 rent by myself (wow. okay, well I could work like a motherfucker. I could work harder at being a server and take more shifts, but I choose not to. Good choice, eh?)
I think there was one about travelling...but I'm doing that in the fall in abundance. so I'm cool with that.
My ultimate goal is to be AHEAD OF THE GAME. Not because I'm hard on myself, but because I'm greedy and selfish. I want a lot of stuff and I want it now!
I'm so boring being exactly where I should be. Why am I not immortal? Or worshipped? Or at the very least, rich and famous?! I'm a normal, struggling, in love, on-my-way 23 year old!
BORING!
I need to publish a book right now, get a great gig right now, get married right now, start a charity right now, open a theatre right now and create a tv show right now!
At least, and I really believe this, I far surpass everyone in friendship. Not that I'm a superior friend, oh not by any means. But for some awesome reason, I have the most superior friends ever! I miss and love everyone so much! There are so many of you! And so close (to my heart)!
Happy Birthday to me!
I'm 23 years old...and exactly where I should be.
before you read this, I'd like you to know that I'm in a wonderful mood (with a slight hangover). I don't feel like crying at all!
Now...Exactly where I should be. I've always known my place. Inately that is. I never put myself in my place, I just exist there. For example, this girl told me I was square when I was 11. I was asking her to hook me up with a guy and she was saying that he would want to do more than just kiss. A lot more. And I just thought, I'm not square, I'm eleven!
These were the goals I made two years ago for my 23rd birthday:
-I must have a computer (check!)
-I must have had at least three paying gigs (just started my third!)
-I must have a paying gig lined up (well, I have one for september...I just might not be able to do it)
-I must be with the man I will marry (stupid goal, but I acheived it nonetheless)
-I must be able to pay $750 rent by myself (wow. okay, well I could work like a motherfucker. I could work harder at being a server and take more shifts, but I choose not to. Good choice, eh?)
I think there was one about travelling...but I'm doing that in the fall in abundance. so I'm cool with that.
My ultimate goal is to be AHEAD OF THE GAME. Not because I'm hard on myself, but because I'm greedy and selfish. I want a lot of stuff and I want it now!
I'm so boring being exactly where I should be. Why am I not immortal? Or worshipped? Or at the very least, rich and famous?! I'm a normal, struggling, in love, on-my-way 23 year old!
BORING!
I need to publish a book right now, get a great gig right now, get married right now, start a charity right now, open a theatre right now and create a tv show right now!
At least, and I really believe this, I far surpass everyone in friendship. Not that I'm a superior friend, oh not by any means. But for some awesome reason, I have the most superior friends ever! I miss and love everyone so much! There are so many of you! And so close (to my heart)!
Happy Birthday to me!
Monday, June 05, 2006
Who am I, Charlie Brown?/Torture
Sometimes, I feel like the smartest person in the world. I have it all figured out. I know the answer to everything.
But usually, I feel stupid. I feel uneducated, unitelligent...unsmart. I don't have good ideas, and when I do, I can't express them right. or well. or at all.
I can't write. My sentence pulling together skills are crap. I'm not clever. I'm not witty. I'm not unique or original.
I don't get politics or world issues or science or math or evolution or why the sky is blue or how to budjet or big words...
After reading my circle of blogs, I kind of felt like the dumbest among them. (They're quoting Sartre and referring to Simone de Bauvoir...who by the way I knew were lovahs!)
Okay, I know I'm not stupid. But I feel very inadequate in many areas of my life. The smartest thing I've done, though, is made friends with smart people! I love my intelligent, witty, clever, funny, punny, educated friends. And I live with the smartest person I know!
***
I have a very different idea to post.
I am sexually charged. Unfortunately, it wasn't because of my lovah!
I have a gig in Pennsylvania on the weekends with a group of people who are...well, actors. Naturally, a big group of rennies (Renaissance Faire people) stuck in a hotel on a rainy weekend is bound to end up in some form of an orgy. Ours was a massage orgy (not the best kind, but a good kind nonetheless).
Now, one of this group is a baseball player.
Mmmm.
Sorry, drooling.
His arms are beeeutiful. His abs are fantastic. His lips are adorable. His legs are delicious.
This guy's ass is dreamy. It's hot. It's hmmmm...drooling again.... it's perfect.
He gave me a massage from head to toe. Well, from toe to head. He cuddled me to "sleep." (sleep is in quotes because I couldn't sleep at all, not when I was that excited!) He breathed into my ear. I told him he was teasing me. In all fairness I was teasing him...a lot. And he told me so. So I said I'd stop. And he said no. Why couldn't we stop? Teasing is AWESOME. He told me it was my fault for having a boyfriend, that's why we couldn't go any further. I told him my boyfriend doesn't care about stuff like that. He still respected my relationship. Asshole.
It was the first out of SEVEN weekends. I'm fucked! Well, not literally...hopefully not literally! Unless it's by my lovah. Who couldn't come home until 4 am last night, so I had to make do with the internet. ARGH!
Now that I'm home, I asked my lovah if he really didn't mind about stuff like making out. He already asked me this before and I said: "no you retard, what the hell do I care, just don't love anyone more than me." Which would be impossible because I'm the awesomest and no one else would put up with him. So I figured his answer would be the same. And I won't love anyone better than him because he's the awesomest and no one else would put up with me. His answer was the same. He said he was surprised we already didn't make out. So it's settled...
For some lucky reason, there was no alcohol. A whole motherfucking weekend of foreplay and no alcohol makes Alathariel a dull boy...what? Whatever.
Next weekend I'm going Bedroom Prince style--that's a bottle half full of orange juice and half full of vodka.
Seriously, though, I need another image in my head than his ass. I can't stop thinking about it!
Oh! And a tight knit group like us obviously give each other ass slaps in stead of high fives, right? Well, this dude gives the best fucking ass slaps in the world! plush on the middle of the cheek. And those who know me know I love my ass. A lot....meh, I'm gonna pass out...
That's it! Lovah, wake up! I need some booty NOW!
But usually, I feel stupid. I feel uneducated, unitelligent...unsmart. I don't have good ideas, and when I do, I can't express them right. or well. or at all.
I can't write. My sentence pulling together skills are crap. I'm not clever. I'm not witty. I'm not unique or original.
I don't get politics or world issues or science or math or evolution or why the sky is blue or how to budjet or big words...
After reading my circle of blogs, I kind of felt like the dumbest among them. (They're quoting Sartre and referring to Simone de Bauvoir...who by the way I knew were lovahs!)
Okay, I know I'm not stupid. But I feel very inadequate in many areas of my life. The smartest thing I've done, though, is made friends with smart people! I love my intelligent, witty, clever, funny, punny, educated friends. And I live with the smartest person I know!
***
I have a very different idea to post.
I am sexually charged. Unfortunately, it wasn't because of my lovah!
I have a gig in Pennsylvania on the weekends with a group of people who are...well, actors. Naturally, a big group of rennies (Renaissance Faire people) stuck in a hotel on a rainy weekend is bound to end up in some form of an orgy. Ours was a massage orgy (not the best kind, but a good kind nonetheless).
Now, one of this group is a baseball player.
Mmmm.
Sorry, drooling.
His arms are beeeutiful. His abs are fantastic. His lips are adorable. His legs are delicious.
This guy's ass is dreamy. It's hot. It's hmmmm...drooling again.... it's perfect.
He gave me a massage from head to toe. Well, from toe to head. He cuddled me to "sleep." (sleep is in quotes because I couldn't sleep at all, not when I was that excited!) He breathed into my ear. I told him he was teasing me. In all fairness I was teasing him...a lot. And he told me so. So I said I'd stop. And he said no. Why couldn't we stop? Teasing is AWESOME. He told me it was my fault for having a boyfriend, that's why we couldn't go any further. I told him my boyfriend doesn't care about stuff like that. He still respected my relationship. Asshole.
It was the first out of SEVEN weekends. I'm fucked! Well, not literally...hopefully not literally! Unless it's by my lovah. Who couldn't come home until 4 am last night, so I had to make do with the internet. ARGH!
Now that I'm home, I asked my lovah if he really didn't mind about stuff like making out. He already asked me this before and I said: "no you retard, what the hell do I care, just don't love anyone more than me." Which would be impossible because I'm the awesomest and no one else would put up with him. So I figured his answer would be the same. And I won't love anyone better than him because he's the awesomest and no one else would put up with me. His answer was the same. He said he was surprised we already didn't make out. So it's settled...
For some lucky reason, there was no alcohol. A whole motherfucking weekend of foreplay and no alcohol makes Alathariel a dull boy...what? Whatever.
Next weekend I'm going Bedroom Prince style--that's a bottle half full of orange juice and half full of vodka.
Seriously, though, I need another image in my head than his ass. I can't stop thinking about it!
Oh! And a tight knit group like us obviously give each other ass slaps in stead of high fives, right? Well, this dude gives the best fucking ass slaps in the world! plush on the middle of the cheek. And those who know me know I love my ass. A lot....meh, I'm gonna pass out...
That's it! Lovah, wake up! I need some booty NOW!
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