Loving my Lovah/Snow White and the Seven Sins

My English Gentleman is seriously wicked. I am loving him up.

I'm reeeeeeeeeally scared about what's going to happen when he leaves to do his masters. We don't even know if we can see each other at Christmas.

Neenia and I got married, does everyone know that? We didn't marry each other, we married "What If." Evidently, "What If" and Neenia and I are meant to be together. Neenia has always loved "What If," I tried to talk her out of the arrangement as I think "What If" is not good for anyone, in fact, "What If" is kind of the devil. I didn't want anything do to with "What If" and I pushed him aside whenever he reared his ugly head. But rear his ugly head he did, and rather relentlessly too. In New York, with Neenia's sneaky help, I finally gave in to "What If." We were married that night and I haven't been able to close the floodgates since.

What if he sleeps with someone else? I'm sure he will! What if he sleeps with lots of people? What if one of those people gives him a disease that he doesn't find out about until it's too late? What if one of those chicks is kinkier than me and he leaves me for her? What if all of those chicks are skinnier than me and he leaves me because it's clear that he can be with skinnier local girls whenever he wants? What if my what-iffing makes me so unbearably girly that he never wants to see me again and he sees that every other girl in the world is lower maintenance than I am? What if I get fatter while he's away and the next time I see him he no longer finds me attractive? What if he finds someone smarter than me? What if neither of us make enough money to visit so he just gives up? What if he makes money and I don't so he doesn't think it's worth it anymore? What if I'm trying to save money and pay off my debt so can't call him every day, or any day and we're never on the computer at the same time and he forgets about me? What if he gets a job in one city and I get a job in another city, and they're both dream jobs?

These things are SO FUCKING LIKELY. How am I supposed to feel about that?

I really love him. Let's "What If" the good stuff.

What if he's so busy doing his masters that he doesn't really have time to meet new girls? What if we both save just enough to see each other at Christmas? What if he makes it all the way until next August without sleeping with, or at least falling in love with another girl and we end up moving to the same city? What if he really does love me?

He has said to me "If this works out, it won't always be like this. You'll know. You'll have security."

When I have security, I can tell "What If" to fuck off and die once and for all.

**********

As mentioned, I'm writing a 3-day novel. Starting tomorrow. It's going to be the gothic-opera-ballet that I wanted to produce. Snow White and the Seven Sins. But now it will be in novel form. I'm really excited about it! Should it be a happy ending? Should the sins end up doing her good or, as their very nature implies, bad?

I'm heading in Vampire-free and I'm shakin-bakin!

By the seaside, oh! By the beautiful sea!

There's too much to tell! I don't know what to tell...

I spent two weeks on a hippie island with my lovah and my now-married, somewhat chemically-affected, close friend, my fellow Mermaid. I've lost her forever, I know that now. She's someone else completely. It happens...

Now my lovah and I are in Vancouver, the poshest part of town, Yaletown! And we are loving pretending to be rich, like we can actually afford to live here.

I still have 31 days left with my lovely Englishman and we couldn't be happier. Well, that's not true, I'd be happier if I had security. But I'm pretty happy. Like reeeeally really happy. He's here, I can't complain at all!

For labour day weekend, we're entering a 3-day novel competition! it's going to be gruelling and exciting and nervewracking and fun! I can't wait! EG's freaking out a bit...

I have an audition tomorrow, I'm also babysitting, I also have an interview to babysit for another lady. In reverse order. Big day! I also have to go to the gym...The audition is a capella. Lame, I like accompanists.

I can't think of what else to say. My head is killing me because birth control is satan's drug of choice. It's so evil, my body can't wait to go off it. But being off it means I lose my man. Not an option for my body, soul, mind, heart.

I miss my friends and family!

I'll write more soon.