The (best) Explanation (that I came up with)

It was entirely my decision.

I think I felt completely broken up with when he didn't want to move in with me and so I tried to make my peace with that and the result was that I stopped loving him in the same way.

That's what I think happened. I don't really know. I've been lookin back on past entries of my journals and this blog and I really loved him, didn't I? I really don't anymore.

We were making out on the first night in Rome and I was thinking "just get this over with and we'll be back to normal" and then he said "I feel funny" and I couldn't continue. I just couldn't do it. I had spoken to EG on the phone the night before and when I told him who I was going to Italy with, he sounded heartbroken. I hated that feeling. I know, I'm horrible.

I don't think I stopped having feelings for ...oh, man, I don't even know what to call him...he's not my lovah, he's not my boy...I'll call him Bowie, because he likes and wants to be Bowie... this is sad. Anyway, I don't think I stopped loving Bowie because of English Gentleman. But I think I broke up with him because of English Gentleman. But isn't it better to not be in a non-relationship?

EG really wants to see me again. And Frenchie told me that her lovah told her that he was totally bummed when I left. Also, she said that he said that he said that if he had a girlfriend, it would be with someone like me. That's what he said to another guy. In my head, that means he wants me to be his girlfriend. I might have to move to England. I gotta go see about a boy...