Soooooooo, I've been effectively escaping my problems by watching every episode of Scrubs ( www.sharpiesscrubs.tk ) and Lois and Clark; The New Adventures of Superman. I feel great.
I'm trying to explain to the boy (he downgraded from Lovah--if the word freaks him out so much, I won't use it anymore!) that we're not "going steady" or whatever is scaring him or whatever. We're not ...anything! I like watching tv with him. I like dressing up for him. I like shopping with him. I like lying on the grass with him. I like his eyes when he smiles in the morning. I like getting excited in front of him. I like when he explains things to me. I like bugging him when he cooks for us. I like hearing the oddly comforting banging of the keys of his piano even when I can't hear the notes because he's using headphones. I like his family. I like the way he plays with his hair when he's thinking. I like his obsession with coffee. I like fucking him in every position imaginable. I like his obsession with the weather.
So that's what we are. Those things. I don't really want to live without those things. There are lots of other things I don't want to live without--the exact colour of my friend's red hair, Skinny's racism, applause, my mom's lipstick, Neenia's marshmallows, Harry Potter, mango salsa, laughing so hard it hurts, singing at the top of my voice, drum beats to name a very few--and I hope I don't have to live without them.
He's not my partner, he's not my better half. I'm whole. Including him and including a lot of other things that make up me.
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3 comments:
hear hear
maybe he got freaked out by your descriptive english gentleman blogs. maybe something affected him in a deeper way. maybe he just needs a little more time to think. i dunno....have u talked since he told u his uncertainties?
Just ALWAYS remember, you are wonderful with or without him.
i love you so much. that touched my heart.
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