Fucking Boys

I know that was a title of a past post but it applies again. Me: Aw, it'll be nice living together again. Lovah: eh. Me: oh, you don't want to? Lovah: I don't know yet. Me: Well, it'll be nice living in the same city again. Lovah: oh yeah, I can't wait for that, it'll be so sweet. didja hear the part in the middle when my heart broke and my brain exploded? I tried to talk to him about it today, when he wasn't on his way to work, but he was sleeping. so now he knows I'm upset, and still, he had to sleep. now, I didn't want to push him--I was trying not to be a girl. but when he heard that I was upset shouldn't he at least TRY to make me feel better? shouldn't he have said "oh, baby, I'm sorry, I promise we can talk about it soon, I love you." or "oh man, okay, I'm awake, I don't want to lose you, let's talk now." or "april fools! of course I want to live with you!" but no, I get "mmf. luurve. bye." What the hell? what happened to the lovah who was freaked out by how in love he was with me? I know living together is like "a big step" but if he doesn't want to, it just means he doesn't feel as strongly about me normally than he does when he's jealous. and I can't even tell if that sentence made any sense or not. I'm going to annul the fact that we already lived together because I told him it didn't mean we had to live together forever. but now, when I'm asking (okay, i was assuming, but I've altered my assumption to a question and told him that) he doesn't know. what's not to know? what's there to think about? he loves me, he said so, he's gonna be at med school from 8 to 4 every single day and studiying every single night. why the hell would he want to sleep apart too? it doesn't make any sense at all! GODDAMN FUCKING BOYS! they are absofuckinglutely absurd! so here's what I'm gonna ask him: WHY? is it because of the open relationship thing? you're worried it would cramp our styles to live with someone? okay, kinda understandable, I can discuss that. is it because of the money? you don't trust me to be a good roommate and pay the bills and stuff? I'd totally understand, though it seems unlike you to think of such things. is it because I'm messy? because a) I've changed living in the cleanest country ever and b) you're not so clean yourself, you slob. is it because you don't want to "settle down" yet (I say settle down with my teeth as clenched as they can possibly be without breaking. spending time with me is never settling.)? well, if that is the case, you are an idiot. then I will say this: so it's a good thing we're in an open relationship because I'm free to look for someone who wants to live with me when I want to live with them. immature maybe, but I guess it's true. I mean, I proved that there are more people out there for me. English Gentleman may live in England, but we connected SO FAST and I bet I could make it work with him and therefore other people too. there are so many people I could "make it work with" and if he really does feel about me what he says he does, then he should want to make it work with me. it would be completely effortless because we actually REALLY ARE AMAZING TOGETHER. but if he sees it as difficult, then whatever, I guess I will have to deal with this gigantic weight I suddenly feel and the very painful knot in my chest. I know I'm gonna sound like Carrie a little right now, but why can't I have the kind of love where he would wake at 5am because he forgot to tell me a joke or just to look at me? I want him to get nervous around me. I want him to not believe his luck that he's with me and want to punch any other guy who wants me. I want him to like the fact that I call myself a princesse and not say he likes me in spite of that. I want him to want me, all the time. Is that so much to ask?