Ah! I take it back! I tried to comment and I couldn't because new blogger sucks ass.
I'm writing an amazing one woman clown show in my head and it's so funny, it makes me laugh when I think of it and then people think I'm crazy which works for my clown.
I want pasta but it's 8 30 in the morning! Spaghetti and Meatballs here I come!...when I go to Italy with my Lovah.
Speaking of my Lovah, I just now found out that he has got quite a mouth on him and we had AMAZING phone sex last night! Now my Boyfriend has become quite literally the Man Of My Dreams. I can't stop thinking about it! It was so so hot! I'm so glad we finally got the courage to not giggle.
The baby and I are listening to standards on accuradio and we're so content.
I saw La Môme last night and it was so so so sad but so well done. The acting was amazing! Well, I think, Edith Piaf is a real person, so I wanna check out clips of her to see if the actress did a good job. But she was really young and played old reeeeeeeally well. And young too.
I don't wanna be Keira Knightly for her talent or chin, I want to be her for her luck, her career! Duh! If we're choosing people based on awesomeness...well I wanna be Kate Winslet or Cate Blanchett...or Toni Collette! oh. There's no one left. Oh man! Fine, I'll go back to Catherine Zeta Jones. But I don't want her life...She got Zorro at 27, I can still get a movie like that at 27! I wanted to be Keira because she's been acting forever and got to make out with Johnny Depp and be Elizabeth.
I love writing. I love typing. I love jazz standards.
I'm hungry.
Phone sex with my Lovah is so good.
I miss tap dancing.
I'm gonna be in the chorus of an English Cabaret soon...woo hoo! I hope I'll wow them and get a part...I hope it's paying, because the next show they're doing is RENT but that's in February, so if I stayed for it, for a paying gig in RENT in Switzerland, I'd officially be the coolest person ever. And then I could come home.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
A Little Mixed Up
Okay, my blogger friends, you are all much loved by me, you know that, right? I love you all very much. But you are all babies. I just switched to new blogger (by force) and it was easy as pie.
I had a dream that I was at a family party, and unexpectedly, my lovah showed up and right behind him was English Gentleman! The whole time, I was completely torn between wanting to flirt with (and fuck) English Gentleman and talk to and love my Lovah. I didn't know what to do and the dream ended horribly and I awoke extremely guilty but wishing it really happened because in the dream I had two guys and in real life I have none.
I am obsessed (again? It's hard to keep track of my obsessions) with Pride and Prejudice. I got the old one, the six hour long one for Christmas from my lovah's mum and I've been watching it a lot lately. I wish I could somehow mix the old one with the new one, which I love. I love the dirt in the new one. It's dirty (as in grimy and messy), people talk over each other and don't unnaturally talk to themselves. The Jane in the old one is the UGLIEST girl in the world. I know that's not nice. It's not nice to call people ugly. But come on. It's that hard to find a blond actress who is even slightly pretty? Did they read the book? or the script? Jane is the prettiest!! It's a credit to the actors that they could call her pretty and look at her with a straight face. In the new one, Jane is BEEEAAUTIFUL. She's perfect. Nevermind, I don't want to mix them, I like the new one better. The sisters are better, Charlotte is way better, Mr. Collins is perfect...Oh yeah. It's Mr Bingly I like in the old one. In the new one, he's too shy, that wasn't the point, he was supposed to be really sure of himself and confident, not a bumbling idiot. Oh well, that's its only fault. Oh yeah, and demon spawn chin freak. Of whom I am so jealous it hurts.
Do you care at all about what I've just said? It's not really relevant to anything ever.
Last night, the vampires died, and I wrote pages and pages of my new book. Now, all the facts are set! I just have to write the...well, the words now. But that's the fun part. Oh yeah, and I don't really know what'll happen in the end, after they beat the bad guy. Will they stay there? Will they come home? But why? Writing is hard.
So, can I just BE Keira Knightly? That's who I wanna be. Fuck Catherine Zeta Jones, she's only been in Chicago and...Zorro...okay, I wanna be her too, but Pirates has taken over my life and now I'm watching the making of Pride and Prejudice on youtube and I'm ....just so jealous! That's what I want. More than anything, I want to go back in time and BE Keira Knightly. Done. I hope, Neenia, that you can get over hating Keira Knightly, because I'm going to be her.
I had a dream that I was at a family party, and unexpectedly, my lovah showed up and right behind him was English Gentleman! The whole time, I was completely torn between wanting to flirt with (and fuck) English Gentleman and talk to and love my Lovah. I didn't know what to do and the dream ended horribly and I awoke extremely guilty but wishing it really happened because in the dream I had two guys and in real life I have none.
I am obsessed (again? It's hard to keep track of my obsessions) with Pride and Prejudice. I got the old one, the six hour long one for Christmas from my lovah's mum and I've been watching it a lot lately. I wish I could somehow mix the old one with the new one, which I love. I love the dirt in the new one. It's dirty (as in grimy and messy), people talk over each other and don't unnaturally talk to themselves. The Jane in the old one is the UGLIEST girl in the world. I know that's not nice. It's not nice to call people ugly. But come on. It's that hard to find a blond actress who is even slightly pretty? Did they read the book? or the script? Jane is the prettiest!! It's a credit to the actors that they could call her pretty and look at her with a straight face. In the new one, Jane is BEEEAAUTIFUL. She's perfect. Nevermind, I don't want to mix them, I like the new one better. The sisters are better, Charlotte is way better, Mr. Collins is perfect...Oh yeah. It's Mr Bingly I like in the old one. In the new one, he's too shy, that wasn't the point, he was supposed to be really sure of himself and confident, not a bumbling idiot. Oh well, that's its only fault. Oh yeah, and demon spawn chin freak. Of whom I am so jealous it hurts.
Do you care at all about what I've just said? It's not really relevant to anything ever.
Last night, the vampires died, and I wrote pages and pages of my new book. Now, all the facts are set! I just have to write the...well, the words now. But that's the fun part. Oh yeah, and I don't really know what'll happen in the end, after they beat the bad guy. Will they stay there? Will they come home? But why? Writing is hard.
So, can I just BE Keira Knightly? That's who I wanna be. Fuck Catherine Zeta Jones, she's only been in Chicago and...Zorro...okay, I wanna be her too, but Pirates has taken over my life and now I'm watching the making of Pride and Prejudice on youtube and I'm ....just so jealous! That's what I want. More than anything, I want to go back in time and BE Keira Knightly. Done. I hope, Neenia, that you can get over hating Keira Knightly, because I'm going to be her.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
A New Discovery
Today was so great! I went to this place, I forget the name, but it's a small mountain I can see from the window here and it looks like there are castle ruins on it. So one day I asked what it was and I was told there's a lake ("on a mountain!?") and ruins and that I could walk there easily! So I did, today, and it was SO lovely. The smells, the sounds...the lake was frozen but thawing and it was SO hard not to be stupid and walk on it. It made me think of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind when he asks "what if it breaks?" and she replies "do you really care right now?" and then Gilbert's Girl said to the theatre "that's such an Alathariel line!" And that's true. So I walked on it a little...but I didn't want people to be like "attention" and stuff. There were these statues carved out of wood, a snake, a fish, a beaver and ...I think a bird, and they were all together around a bench, it reminded me a little of the golden statue thing in the Ministry of Magic, but like a nature version. I read there for a while (Prince Caspian) and two people holding hands went by. The guy was really tall and funny looking, in a good way, and the girl had on a lovely dark red knitted hat. They were clearly cool. The girl said "salut" which reminded me of my inadequecies here in Switzerland, but I said "salut" back. Then I took a slow, peaceful walk around one side of the lake and I heard flute playing of some sort, a beautiful tune. I looked back and saw the Girl playing while the Guy was juggling!! Who were these people!
I was so happy and continued my slow walk, stopping to read or write whenever I felt like it. There were flowers growing, little purple ones, and tiny white buds on some trees and berries all around. Spring is here! The flute music made me want to cry and dance and sing and laugh and be quiet and stay still and spin all at the same time. It was somehow at once jolly and melancholy. I almost fainted when she stopped. I finally had the nerve to talk to the Couple who I realised were speaking English and they offered me some bread, tea and figs. What more could a girl want? They told me they were students at the circus and I fell in love with them. I was shy and silly as usual, but we got along great.
I'm mad at myself for 2 reasons. 1) I did not wear a skirt to the lake--I was planning on going to the movies. I was wearing cords. I wish I was wearing a princess dress or at least a hippie skirt. sigh. 2) I cut my hair last year. But why? I'm a long haired spirit, what was I thinking? If anyone sees me with a pair of scissors again, stab me with them. And yes, I do need to look magical to fully get the magical feel, I'm shallow that way. But I did enjoy the afternoon/evening immensely. I can't wait to go up there and actually make it to the ruins this time...in a dress.
ps My camera is broken! I cannot live like that. I neeeeeeed to show you all pictures of this place, and the view from up there!
I was so happy and continued my slow walk, stopping to read or write whenever I felt like it. There were flowers growing, little purple ones, and tiny white buds on some trees and berries all around. Spring is here! The flute music made me want to cry and dance and sing and laugh and be quiet and stay still and spin all at the same time. It was somehow at once jolly and melancholy. I almost fainted when she stopped. I finally had the nerve to talk to the Couple who I realised were speaking English and they offered me some bread, tea and figs. What more could a girl want? They told me they were students at the circus and I fell in love with them. I was shy and silly as usual, but we got along great.
I'm mad at myself for 2 reasons. 1) I did not wear a skirt to the lake--I was planning on going to the movies. I was wearing cords. I wish I was wearing a princess dress or at least a hippie skirt. sigh. 2) I cut my hair last year. But why? I'm a long haired spirit, what was I thinking? If anyone sees me with a pair of scissors again, stab me with them. And yes, I do need to look magical to fully get the magical feel, I'm shallow that way. But I did enjoy the afternoon/evening immensely. I can't wait to go up there and actually make it to the ruins this time...in a dress.
ps My camera is broken! I cannot live like that. I neeeeeeed to show you all pictures of this place, and the view from up there!
Monday, February 19, 2007
DISCIPLINE
Things to NOT do:
1) Eat after 8 pm.
2) Go shopping when plans were to go to gym.
3) Blog a hundred times a day.
4) Call Toronto on my cell.
5) Write English Gentleman back the second I see his message.
6) Talk about English Gentleman to anyone who will listen.
7) Drink hot chocolate every day.
8) Buy peanut butter.
9) Sleep with guys sans condom.
10) Check facebook/blogs/blogger comments a hundred times a day
Things to do:
1) Work out regularly--I like it!!
2) Wait a couple days before messaging EG back.
3) Be witty and cute--not obsessive and ...obsessive--when I do message him.
4) Go out and have fun.
5) Write more--in my journals, not online--songs, poetry, my book, whatever!
6) Write and send a lot of letters to my loved ones.
7) Eat more fruit.
8) Save money for trips.
9) Meet people and call them.
10) Listen to interesting Swiss people instead of talking so much.
1) Eat after 8 pm.
2) Go shopping when plans were to go to gym.
3) Blog a hundred times a day.
4) Call Toronto on my cell.
5) Write English Gentleman back the second I see his message.
6) Talk about English Gentleman to anyone who will listen.
7) Drink hot chocolate every day.
8) Buy peanut butter.
9) Sleep with guys sans condom.
10) Check facebook/blogs/blogger comments a hundred times a day
Things to do:
1) Work out regularly--I like it!!
2) Wait a couple days before messaging EG back.
3) Be witty and cute--not obsessive and ...obsessive--when I do message him.
4) Go out and have fun.
5) Write more--in my journals, not online--songs, poetry, my book, whatever!
6) Write and send a lot of letters to my loved ones.
7) Eat more fruit.
8) Save money for trips.
9) Meet people and call them.
10) Listen to interesting Swiss people instead of talking so much.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Rite of Passage
Have you ever dressed like a pirate whore and travelled to a random European village to get drunk with a chick you met on the internet who you had hoped would introduce you to someone hot, tall and trustworthy you can sleep with but the guy dressed like a skeleton she had in mind felt that kissing was moving too fast so after feeling really embarrassed about your budding slutty side ended up having sex with Dracula on a park bench outside a gigantic club filled with people doing the YMCA at 4am after 7 unidentified red cocktails before an accidental 6 hour train ride that took you to the wrong end of the country?
I have.
I have.
Friday, February 16, 2007
arrrrrr.
so it's carnaval here in the suisse which means get really drunk before lent. so i'm really really drunk. unfortunately, it's still early. but fortunately, i'm no longer with the LOSER i just spent the last few hours with.
okay, does anyone remember when i met army guy? well i met this guy at a bar who's in the army, every man has to do 5 months of military training here, and he was kinda cool... not really, but he talked to me and bought me a drink, so it was good enough. then he asked me out for the next weekend but he was really young (20) so i decided to forget said date and didn't show. then this dude adds me to his msn and i thought it might have been face licker because i met him at the same bar and got his email addy. it wasn't, it was army dude, so whatever. he asked me out for friday carnaval (tonight) and i was like sure whatever.
so he's booooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg. which is the worst possible trait, no excuses. don't be boring. that's the lamest thing you could possibly be. but near the end, he tells me about these people who own a chalet where they make maple syrop here in the swiss and im like cool, and he says yeah, remember the guy you met at the bar? not me, my friend who introduced me to you and gave me your address! what? so the guy i'm out with isn't even the guy i was flirting with before, it's his nerdy friend. and by nerdy, i don't mean like me, or musical theatre people, or world of warcraft people, i mean like HORRIBLY BORRRRIIIINNNGGG!!! WTF? so i said i had to go home because i forgot my key. which i did. so now i'm home and druunnkk. which is fine, because i entertain myself more than he does.
tomorrow i go to a faraway town to meet another au pair who's from ottawa and we will drunk it up together and speak english while we're at it. woo hoo! go carnaval!!
okay, does anyone remember when i met army guy? well i met this guy at a bar who's in the army, every man has to do 5 months of military training here, and he was kinda cool... not really, but he talked to me and bought me a drink, so it was good enough. then he asked me out for the next weekend but he was really young (20) so i decided to forget said date and didn't show. then this dude adds me to his msn and i thought it might have been face licker because i met him at the same bar and got his email addy. it wasn't, it was army dude, so whatever. he asked me out for friday carnaval (tonight) and i was like sure whatever.
so he's booooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg. which is the worst possible trait, no excuses. don't be boring. that's the lamest thing you could possibly be. but near the end, he tells me about these people who own a chalet where they make maple syrop here in the swiss and im like cool, and he says yeah, remember the guy you met at the bar? not me, my friend who introduced me to you and gave me your address! what? so the guy i'm out with isn't even the guy i was flirting with before, it's his nerdy friend. and by nerdy, i don't mean like me, or musical theatre people, or world of warcraft people, i mean like HORRIBLY BORRRRIIIINNNGGG!!! WTF? so i said i had to go home because i forgot my key. which i did. so now i'm home and druunnkk. which is fine, because i entertain myself more than he does.
tomorrow i go to a faraway town to meet another au pair who's from ottawa and we will drunk it up together and speak english while we're at it. woo hoo! go carnaval!!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Number 8
Okay, my friend Frenchie in England (going out with English Gentleman's flatmate) just confessed that she got English Gentleman drunk on the weekend and they talked about me. He said I'm not usually his type and he planned to sleep with me as a favour to Frenchie (what? I guess "favour" meaning pay attention to the girl who doesn't know anyone...I hope, or else he's more arrogant than I thought...hot.) but that he was really glad he did because I was intelligent and artsy and brought something to the table. (I hope he still thought I was hot though, just not blonde--his usual.) And he said out of the 50 or so girls he slept with, I rank at number 8. How am I supposed to feel about this?
VDay
Hallo there my wonderful lover! a very excellent valentine's day to you! i have a new definition for love: when you can't describe properly how you feel about someone, because it's so important. saying 'you're the bestest' just isn't bestest enough anynmore, but being gushy feels wrong. so this is about as close as I get. uh oh, it's time to pull out the old 'these song lyrics describe how I feel, except for these lines, which don't, even though the song as a whole does...'
That was a message from my lovah.
It went on to say that Valentine's Day pressures were getting to him for the first time in six years and that he felt lonely and missed me. Duh. What kind of doofus is surprised by the fact that he misses his faraway girlfriend on Valentines day!?
Boys are weird. It's not me who's freaking out about our relationship. In fact, I feel quite good about it. To quote Logan (yes, Logan, Rory's lovah from Gilmore Girls) "I'm not worried about us." But he is! I said "I wish I could live with you again." And he said "yeah, but I'd get weird again, and jumpy." And I said "you're a loser." But he's my loser.
That was a message from my lovah.
It went on to say that Valentine's Day pressures were getting to him for the first time in six years and that he felt lonely and missed me. Duh. What kind of doofus is surprised by the fact that he misses his faraway girlfriend on Valentines day!?
Boys are weird. It's not me who's freaking out about our relationship. In fact, I feel quite good about it. To quote Logan (yes, Logan, Rory's lovah from Gilmore Girls) "I'm not worried about us." But he is! I said "I wish I could live with you again." And he said "yeah, but I'd get weird again, and jumpy." And I said "you're a loser." But he's my loser.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Kids Can Be So Cruel
So I go on to msn with about an hour to kill before my movie, and this girl from the "kids" section started talking to me. I usually avoid them like the plague on msn because I can't stand the way kids write, but I figured, whatever. Anyway, here's the conversation:
who is this ???
Alathariel
who is this?
Amy
...
do you know me?
no
haha
how did u get mi msn
i have no idea
ok then
how old
haha 23
omg
i am 16
who are you!
haha what school do you go to?
meckenzie
I don't know what that is.
it is a skool
haha I mean, I don't know which one it is
oh k
I taught at some schools after school last year but not meckenzie
oh wich 1
um...
oh no i forget the names
branksome, bss, york,
ummm
ok
what do u teach ??
drama, musical theatre
i directed a bunch of plays last year
oh did u teach a heschel
yes!
I directed annie there
mi sis goes there
oh!
I guess she gave me your address
who is she?
there names r Candice & Deena
do u no them
of course!
haha
can u please stop saying haha
can you please write correctly?
omg u r such a loser
loner
no I'm not, I'm 23, I don't write like a child, that's all
no u r such a loser
how can you say that about someone you don't know?
oh this is how kool people talk and write u r a big loser & a big loner ok
No, it's how kids talk and write.
no
U R A BIG LOSER OK
I'm a bit of a nerd, but I'm proud of it. I'm definitely not a big loser or loner
AND A BIG LONER OK
how does that make me a loner?
NOBODY LIKES U
WELL YA
no, just you don't like me, other people do, though
MI SISTERS CANDICE AND DEENA TOLD ME THAT U R A LOSER AND VERY EW
aw
I liked them.
well they really didn't like every 1 doesn't
kk
that's sad
kids are mean
ya welcome to the world
no no, I left that world
I'm an adult now, and I thought it would be horrible, but everyone is much nicer and... more normal, not as full of angst.
bitch
I'm sorry, I'm being serious!
you're not being nice at all
ya
no really
but, why?
what's wrong?
u r such a loser
but why do you care?
do u no what is wrong u ok u
I don't know what that means
i don't like to talk to loser ok i am kool and popular ok
so i am blocking u so i will stay kool and popular kk
bi loser
And then she blocked me. Isn't that sad? she's 16! Don't you remember being a little nicer and smarter than that when you were 16? I don't remember anyone being like that at that age. I thought it was just an elementary school thing. Oh well.
who is this ???
Alathariel
who is this?
Amy
...
do you know me?
no
haha
how did u get mi msn
i have no idea
ok then
how old
haha 23
omg
i am 16
who are you!
haha what school do you go to?
meckenzie
I don't know what that is.
it is a skool
haha I mean, I don't know which one it is
oh k
I taught at some schools after school last year but not meckenzie
oh wich 1
um...
oh no i forget the names
branksome, bss, york,
ummm
ok
what do u teach ??
drama, musical theatre
i directed a bunch of plays last year
oh did u teach a heschel
yes!
I directed annie there
mi sis goes there
oh!
I guess she gave me your address
who is she?
there names r Candice & Deena
do u no them
of course!
haha
can u please stop saying haha
can you please write correctly?
omg u r such a loser
loner
no I'm not, I'm 23, I don't write like a child, that's all
no u r such a loser
how can you say that about someone you don't know?
oh this is how kool people talk and write u r a big loser & a big loner ok
No, it's how kids talk and write.
no
U R A BIG LOSER OK
I'm a bit of a nerd, but I'm proud of it. I'm definitely not a big loser or loner
AND A BIG LONER OK
how does that make me a loner?
NOBODY LIKES U
WELL YA
no, just you don't like me, other people do, though
MI SISTERS CANDICE AND DEENA TOLD ME THAT U R A LOSER AND VERY EW
aw
I liked them.
well they really didn't like every 1 doesn't
kk
that's sad
kids are mean
ya welcome to the world
no no, I left that world
I'm an adult now, and I thought it would be horrible, but everyone is much nicer and... more normal, not as full of angst.
bitch
I'm sorry, I'm being serious!
you're not being nice at all
ya
no really
but, why?
what's wrong?
u r such a loser
but why do you care?
do u no what is wrong u ok u
I don't know what that means
i don't like to talk to loser ok i am kool and popular ok
so i am blocking u so i will stay kool and popular kk
bi loser
And then she blocked me. Isn't that sad? she's 16! Don't you remember being a little nicer and smarter than that when you were 16? I don't remember anyone being like that at that age. I thought it was just an elementary school thing. Oh well.
Friday, February 09, 2007
HICCUP!
I just saw a play. It was art. It was a clown. (I'm drunk. Hiccup.) He was in a prison. Of some sort. (Hiccup.) But he was speaking french (hiccup) so I didn't understand everthing. But I understood (hiccup). He was trapped. (hiccup) He didn't know what to do to get himself out (hiccup) how to not be a clown. (hiccup) He said his dad was a king, so what (hiccup) else could he be but a clown? He also said he was born by accident (hiccup), late and without a sound. (hiccup) Then he said that we live like we're born (hiccup) so he lives by accident, late and without a sound. That made me sad. He said he was nothing, because he had no credit, no references, no house, no pet, blah, blah, blah...Everyone was laughing, but that made me sad too. I think the people who were laughing didn't get it. But it's art, they can get it however they want. It made them laugh, it made me frown, they're both (hiccup) the right responses to the poor (hiccup) trapped clown.
I want to do theatre again (hiccup) and when I couldn't understand the french (hiccup) clown's words, I planned my own clown show. It will be spectacular. (hiccup)
I met a woman who works in wine. She was kinda boring but then the more (hiccup) I talked to her, the more I found her interesting. (hiccup) She just got out of a relationship (hiccup) and I think they lived together because she just moved. That's (hiccup) sad.
I'm not sad, I'm quite content and amused by most things right now, so I'll stop writing sad.
I'm (hiccup) trying not to eat. If I turn my eyes a little to the right, I'll see the fridge that is full of DELICIOUS leftovers...But I worked out so well this week, I was good with food, not obsessive. ...I will not eat I will not eat I will not eat so late at night! (Hiccup!) maybe...just a little soup? with cream and gruière? just a little?
(hiccup) I'm trying to stop hiccuping. I'm wondering what life is like in Manhattan for Miss Pants, though I have a pretty good idea based on the description...mostly a picture of a fruit market...why do I have that picture? Is it because I'm drunk? or is there something in the blog about a fruit market?
They kiss three times here. (hiccup) Do you know what I mean? Like "Oh hi!" *kiss left, kiss right, kiss left* get it? It's funny.
I want a wine and cheese (hiccup) party with Neenia. Why are you called Neenia? I also want Skinny Rabbit and all the others to come and we can have a fancy dress party. You may think I mean formal, because that's what (hiccup) fancy dress means to us. But I mean costume party because that's what they have in England...Actually, right now, I'd rather (hiccup)dress fancy then fancy dress...
I need to perform now. I'm ready for my close up.
I want to do theatre again (hiccup) and when I couldn't understand the french (hiccup) clown's words, I planned my own clown show. It will be spectacular. (hiccup)
I met a woman who works in wine. She was kinda boring but then the more (hiccup) I talked to her, the more I found her interesting. (hiccup) She just got out of a relationship (hiccup) and I think they lived together because she just moved. That's (hiccup) sad.
I'm not sad, I'm quite content and amused by most things right now, so I'll stop writing sad.
I'm (hiccup) trying not to eat. If I turn my eyes a little to the right, I'll see the fridge that is full of DELICIOUS leftovers...But I worked out so well this week, I was good with food, not obsessive. ...I will not eat I will not eat I will not eat so late at night! (Hiccup!) maybe...just a little soup? with cream and gruière? just a little?
(hiccup) I'm trying to stop hiccuping. I'm wondering what life is like in Manhattan for Miss Pants, though I have a pretty good idea based on the description...mostly a picture of a fruit market...why do I have that picture? Is it because I'm drunk? or is there something in the blog about a fruit market?
They kiss three times here. (hiccup) Do you know what I mean? Like "Oh hi!" *kiss left, kiss right, kiss left* get it? It's funny.
I want a wine and cheese (hiccup) party with Neenia. Why are you called Neenia? I also want Skinny Rabbit and all the others to come and we can have a fancy dress party. You may think I mean formal, because that's what (hiccup) fancy dress means to us. But I mean costume party because that's what they have in England...Actually, right now, I'd rather (hiccup)dress fancy then fancy dress...
I need to perform now. I'm ready for my close up.
Monday, February 05, 2007
The Cleanse
The four most horrifying words in the English language: I read your blog.
You may all remember when someone special to you read yours. You may remember when my lovah read mine. Worse, I remember, last week, when MY SWISS HOSTS, THE NICEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, READ MINE. Yup. "Alathariel, we need to talk to you. We have a problem. Well, we read your blog."
Oh! the horror! the agony! the SHAME!
I am the worst person on earth and they are the best. I'm not worthy! How horrible am I? I mean, it was just venting and I use harsher words than I feel, usually, for the sake of a good entry but holy crap. I can't imagine giving my home to a random chick, accept her into my family, and then read a blog like mine. dude. I feel so awful.
I've said before that I like the kids right? because I do. Being a nanny is hard, that's all and I needed to vent. Argh.
Well, the parents--nicest people in the world, did I say that?--were worried about me and just wanted to know if I'd be okay to go on. So, I had my chance to go home and I didn't take it, obviously, that means I can handle this, right? Right. It was a big kick in the ass and I'm going to double my efforts. And never think horrible things again--not because I could get caught, but because horrible thoughts poison the soul.
You may all remember when someone special to you read yours. You may remember when my lovah read mine. Worse, I remember, last week, when MY SWISS HOSTS, THE NICEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, READ MINE. Yup. "Alathariel, we need to talk to you. We have a problem. Well, we read your blog."
Oh! the horror! the agony! the SHAME!
I am the worst person on earth and they are the best. I'm not worthy! How horrible am I? I mean, it was just venting and I use harsher words than I feel, usually, for the sake of a good entry but holy crap. I can't imagine giving my home to a random chick, accept her into my family, and then read a blog like mine. dude. I feel so awful.
I've said before that I like the kids right? because I do. Being a nanny is hard, that's all and I needed to vent. Argh.
Well, the parents--nicest people in the world, did I say that?--were worried about me and just wanted to know if I'd be okay to go on. So, I had my chance to go home and I didn't take it, obviously, that means I can handle this, right? Right. It was a big kick in the ass and I'm going to double my efforts. And never think horrible things again--not because I could get caught, but because horrible thoughts poison the soul.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
what?!
oh i am in such an odd state. how i wish i had some company. or drugs. or a good book. sex drugs and literature. that's what i need.
i just watched bridgit jones 2 and hugh did not fill my need. mainly because he was not topless in my room. but he was pretty dirty, though, and that was super hot, but it just got me too excited.
sex and drugs please. and books. but sex, really, first of all.
i just watched bridgit jones 2 and hugh did not fill my need. mainly because he was not topless in my room. but he was pretty dirty, though, and that was super hot, but it just got me too excited.
sex and drugs please. and books. but sex, really, first of all.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Aha! It's so simple!
I figured it out. Why I'm so obsessed with English Gentleman. Why I'm sad that I like him.
He was the last person to give me a hug.
I need a hug. People need human contact. Physical contact. It is the only way to live.
He was the last person to give me a hug.
I need a hug. People need human contact. Physical contact. It is the only way to live.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Cheese and Other Exciting Prospects
Ah! I love cheese. And I'm allowed to love it as much as I want because I go to the gym on a regular basis and I walk a lot.
English Gentleman is back in the flirting boat, finally. He's usually too cool for school, but he payed me a few pretty freaking sweet compliments.
"Tonight would be a good night for you to be here, you could play my guitar and sing and I could admire your curves whilst pretending to sing. Everything I know about you is classy and theatrical, I like it."
Me? Classy? Theatrical, yes, curvy, bien sur, but classy? Sweeeet.
Yikes. Oh how I love facebook but...people from grade school are now adding me. Why? Why is this happening? I don't know if any of you bloggers know this stuff about me, but I was really unpopular in grade school. I got made fun of, a lot. I try to repress, but really, it comes out all the time. I'm always worried that people are gonna find me out and categorise me as uncool. I have to sit at the back of any bus I go on because that's where the cool kids sit. I'm really insecure about it and if I never heard from or of anyone from elementary school again, I'd be extremely happy. Now EVERYONE is my "friend."
And I guess it was fine when it was people who were actually considered friends back then, we were pretty much in it together, us verses the "popular group." And they always said I was so cool, I shouldn't be with them, but I said I only hang around with nice people.
But now, the dreaded Miss Perfect added me. Miss Perfect was my "best friend in school" in grade one and then in grade 2 they put us in different classes and she became popular and I did not. Do the secretaries who made the class lists that year know that they ruined my life? Miss Perfect is not special. She's boring, to me. She's blonde, rich, pretty, nice, kinda smart, sporty, friendly, not funny, not interesting and enjoys country music. But everyone loved her. LOVED and IDOLISED. Once, I got bangs, and this guy said "but Miss Perfect doesn't have bangs anymore, why'd you get bangs?" Seriously. We were all supposed to copy her as much as we could.
I can't handle this. Why did she add me? To show off? I mean, her life seems as boring as it always was, but in a really perfect way. Why do I feel I need to be better than her? What is it about her that makes everyone crazy and why do I need validation? I'm a grown up! I have SO MANY FRIENDS who I love so so so much and who love me! I'm on a year long adventure. I found my true love and he's hotter than hers! Why am I so petty? She was never mean, not once. And she's pretty humble about her popularity. (Or was, I don't know anything about her now except for the discriptions on facebook.) I was worried she was gonna be an actress because she did a funny accent in grade 8 drama club and everyone laughed really hard. I was Lois Lane and I was great! Now I can do any accent! Name it, I'll do it better than her! BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO BE BETTER THAN HER? WHY DO I CARE? She's not in my life, and we don't have any friends in common! Why am I like this? I even started to change my profile, to make sure it was presentable. I'm presentable as I am, I like me!
I can't wait for HP7 to come out.
English Gentleman is back in the flirting boat, finally. He's usually too cool for school, but he payed me a few pretty freaking sweet compliments.
"Tonight would be a good night for you to be here, you could play my guitar and sing and I could admire your curves whilst pretending to sing. Everything I know about you is classy and theatrical, I like it."
Me? Classy? Theatrical, yes, curvy, bien sur, but classy? Sweeeet.
Yikes. Oh how I love facebook but...people from grade school are now adding me. Why? Why is this happening? I don't know if any of you bloggers know this stuff about me, but I was really unpopular in grade school. I got made fun of, a lot. I try to repress, but really, it comes out all the time. I'm always worried that people are gonna find me out and categorise me as uncool. I have to sit at the back of any bus I go on because that's where the cool kids sit. I'm really insecure about it and if I never heard from or of anyone from elementary school again, I'd be extremely happy. Now EVERYONE is my "friend."
And I guess it was fine when it was people who were actually considered friends back then, we were pretty much in it together, us verses the "popular group." And they always said I was so cool, I shouldn't be with them, but I said I only hang around with nice people.
But now, the dreaded Miss Perfect added me. Miss Perfect was my "best friend in school" in grade one and then in grade 2 they put us in different classes and she became popular and I did not. Do the secretaries who made the class lists that year know that they ruined my life? Miss Perfect is not special. She's boring, to me. She's blonde, rich, pretty, nice, kinda smart, sporty, friendly, not funny, not interesting and enjoys country music. But everyone loved her. LOVED and IDOLISED. Once, I got bangs, and this guy said "but Miss Perfect doesn't have bangs anymore, why'd you get bangs?" Seriously. We were all supposed to copy her as much as we could.
I can't handle this. Why did she add me? To show off? I mean, her life seems as boring as it always was, but in a really perfect way. Why do I feel I need to be better than her? What is it about her that makes everyone crazy and why do I need validation? I'm a grown up! I have SO MANY FRIENDS who I love so so so much and who love me! I'm on a year long adventure. I found my true love and he's hotter than hers! Why am I so petty? She was never mean, not once. And she's pretty humble about her popularity. (Or was, I don't know anything about her now except for the discriptions on facebook.) I was worried she was gonna be an actress because she did a funny accent in grade 8 drama club and everyone laughed really hard. I was Lois Lane and I was great! Now I can do any accent! Name it, I'll do it better than her! BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO BE BETTER THAN HER? WHY DO I CARE? She's not in my life, and we don't have any friends in common! Why am I like this? I even started to change my profile, to make sure it was presentable. I'm presentable as I am, I like me!
I can't wait for HP7 to come out.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
right before left over pizza
I'm sick. I have a cold. I can't breathe through my nose. But i told my swiss family that i was going on a random adventure in a city nearby, and they were so excited for me that i couldn't not go. the dad even paid for my train ticket. that made me feel bad, but i like saving money...
i thought i looked good. i totally jumped on the sweater and blazer over winter coat bandwagon and so i thought i was pretty chic. my blazer is dark purple, my hair has a hint of purple, my scarf is bright magenta my tights are purple and my gloves are bright purple and black striped. my sweater underneath was a nice shade of green and my capris were brown. i don't like brown, but they look good on my ass. so i liked my getup. but right at the beginning, i realised i only had one glove. i thought i had both with me, in fact i knew i did and i couldn't figure out if i dropped one in the family's car on the way to the station, or after. i really liked the gloves in the mix because my mom bought them for me and i thought they were nerdy, but then i grew to love and appreciate them. and it was fucking freezing.
i'll tell ya right now, i did not have a good time. i'm sick! I went to mcdonalds, which is always good, but never good. some part of me appreciated the total coolness of the city, it was really beautiful and interesting and the layout, i'm pretty sure, was designed by a drunk spider. but i didn't want to talk to anyone when i had a runny nose. so i went from cafe to cafe reading the picture of dorian gray. i really like the book though i feel left out because when they talk about their theories, they're saying "people" and "one" but they mean "men" which is really annoying. why wouldn't you make your audience everyone possible? or at least everyone interested? don't cut people off, it's like beer commercials, not one of them is aimed at women when women totally buy beer! i digress. shit time, I saw stranger than fiction in french, and i HATE dubbing. i refuse to watch any movie with dubbed voices. ORIGINAL PLEASE and subtitle it up. can't you read, swiss people?
cold hands, runny nose, itchy eyes, sore throat, i was talking to myself out loud "where the fuck is the train station? the guy said "cinq cent metres" that way, how the hell would i know cinq cent m--" i suddenly looked up and saw orion, the constellation, clear as day. and i was cheerful. how can that be? I was actually giddy, just because i could see orion, and he was upright, and he just jumped out at me...I didn't understand my joy, which made it funnier. anyway, i found the train station, wrote a lot and read a lot the whole way back. when i finally got up the escalater and started to head towards my street, low and behold, a bright purple and black striped glove was just lying on the sidewalk, untouched, waiting for me.
i thought i looked good. i totally jumped on the sweater and blazer over winter coat bandwagon and so i thought i was pretty chic. my blazer is dark purple, my hair has a hint of purple, my scarf is bright magenta my tights are purple and my gloves are bright purple and black striped. my sweater underneath was a nice shade of green and my capris were brown. i don't like brown, but they look good on my ass. so i liked my getup. but right at the beginning, i realised i only had one glove. i thought i had both with me, in fact i knew i did and i couldn't figure out if i dropped one in the family's car on the way to the station, or after. i really liked the gloves in the mix because my mom bought them for me and i thought they were nerdy, but then i grew to love and appreciate them. and it was fucking freezing.
i'll tell ya right now, i did not have a good time. i'm sick! I went to mcdonalds, which is always good, but never good. some part of me appreciated the total coolness of the city, it was really beautiful and interesting and the layout, i'm pretty sure, was designed by a drunk spider. but i didn't want to talk to anyone when i had a runny nose. so i went from cafe to cafe reading the picture of dorian gray. i really like the book though i feel left out because when they talk about their theories, they're saying "people" and "one" but they mean "men" which is really annoying. why wouldn't you make your audience everyone possible? or at least everyone interested? don't cut people off, it's like beer commercials, not one of them is aimed at women when women totally buy beer! i digress. shit time, I saw stranger than fiction in french, and i HATE dubbing. i refuse to watch any movie with dubbed voices. ORIGINAL PLEASE and subtitle it up. can't you read, swiss people?
cold hands, runny nose, itchy eyes, sore throat, i was talking to myself out loud "where the fuck is the train station? the guy said "cinq cent metres" that way, how the hell would i know cinq cent m--" i suddenly looked up and saw orion, the constellation, clear as day. and i was cheerful. how can that be? I was actually giddy, just because i could see orion, and he was upright, and he just jumped out at me...I didn't understand my joy, which made it funnier. anyway, i found the train station, wrote a lot and read a lot the whole way back. when i finally got up the escalater and started to head towards my street, low and behold, a bright purple and black striped glove was just lying on the sidewalk, untouched, waiting for me.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
NOT FAIR!
I'll never find a lovah as good as my lovah. He's the best and he's my ultimate favourite person to spend time with, eat with, sleep with, sex it up with, watch south park with, talk with. But he's not here.
I'll never find friends as good as my friends. But they're not here!
I'll never have a one night stand as good as last week's one night stand. But it's over!
So what am I doing here? Please remind me because I'm sure there's a reason.
And it isn't so that I could get hit on by creepy french guys who lick my face when they've bought me too many vodka OJs.
...or is it?
I'll never find friends as good as my friends. But they're not here!
I'll never have a one night stand as good as last week's one night stand. But it's over!
So what am I doing here? Please remind me because I'm sure there's a reason.
And it isn't so that I could get hit on by creepy french guys who lick my face when they've bought me too many vodka OJs.
...or is it?
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Last Night's Drunken Haikus
I am courageous
Now that I'm super wasted
In this bar in Sion.
I can write alone
And hope that someone comes up
To talk to me soon.
I now have a date
With a twenty year old boy
Next Samdi at eight.
I dream of Gavin
And the perfect friday night
We had at Kaos.
Roxanne plus quad vod
Equals good times had by all
Ending in great sex.
My jealous lovah
Can just lick me where I bleed twice.
I need fantasies.
My poor stomach hurts
Because I just had raclette
And these drinks are cold.
I just can't believe
I'm at a bar in Europe
Haikuing alone
This DJ is lame.
Is he playing Dancing Queen?
I want to punch him.
Why do I fall for
Skinny little bartenders?
He is glad I tipped.
I cannot go home
Until it is twelve thirty.
Otherwise I'm lame
Already, I'm lame
Because I'm sitting alone
Writing in a bar.
Why am I writing
Drunken Haikus in a bar?
Surprise, it's easy.
I love being drunk.
This is just what I wanted.
I dream you are here.
"You" can be either
My Lovah or Englishman.
I'll take either one.
I talk to Lovah
By phone every single night.
I never see him.
My hot English Fling
Was over far too quickly.
Wish it was last week.
I like being drunk;
Nothing matters anymore.
That is comforting.
One guy looks at me
Then another and one more.
What is it with Sion?
No one comes to talk?
I am a young hot woman!
COME AND TALK TO ME!
They welcome me here
But they are not welcoming.
They make me so sad.
Billy Jean is on.
How come no one is dancing?
There is no dance floor.
So so so so drunk.
I like it this way baby!
An excuse to smile.
And now I'm dancing
With the funny bartenders
One of which is cute.
The nicest one said
"Karaoke est sympa!
Merci, a dimanche!"
Now that I'm super wasted
In this bar in Sion.
I can write alone
And hope that someone comes up
To talk to me soon.
I now have a date
With a twenty year old boy
Next Samdi at eight.
I dream of Gavin
And the perfect friday night
We had at Kaos.
Roxanne plus quad vod
Equals good times had by all
Ending in great sex.
My jealous lovah
Can just lick me where I bleed twice.
I need fantasies.
My poor stomach hurts
Because I just had raclette
And these drinks are cold.
I just can't believe
I'm at a bar in Europe
Haikuing alone
This DJ is lame.
Is he playing Dancing Queen?
I want to punch him.
Why do I fall for
Skinny little bartenders?
He is glad I tipped.
I cannot go home
Until it is twelve thirty.
Otherwise I'm lame
Already, I'm lame
Because I'm sitting alone
Writing in a bar.
Why am I writing
Drunken Haikus in a bar?
Surprise, it's easy.
I love being drunk.
This is just what I wanted.
I dream you are here.
"You" can be either
My Lovah or Englishman.
I'll take either one.
I talk to Lovah
By phone every single night.
I never see him.
My hot English Fling
Was over far too quickly.
Wish it was last week.
I like being drunk;
Nothing matters anymore.
That is comforting.
One guy looks at me
Then another and one more.
What is it with Sion?
No one comes to talk?
I am a young hot woman!
COME AND TALK TO ME!
They welcome me here
But they are not welcoming.
They make me so sad.
Billy Jean is on.
How come no one is dancing?
There is no dance floor.
So so so so drunk.
I like it this way baby!
An excuse to smile.
And now I'm dancing
With the funny bartenders
One of which is cute.
The nicest one said
"Karaoke est sympa!
Merci, a dimanche!"
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Mood Swinger
Dude, what is going on in my life?
okay, so I don't think most of you get the degree to which my lovah freaked out about what he read. He freaked out. So then he declared his undying love for me, which is great. But now I'm so confused! I feel like I'm getting something I thought I already had. And now I'm angry that I didn't have it til now. That's a stupid thing to be angry about.
By the by, there is no way I'm going to explain this properly. The point is, I have no idea how I'm feeling. up and down and up and down my mood goes.
I'll just write stuff as it comes to me.
I am probably going to Zurich this Saturday with 2 other Au Pairs I found on facebook. Facebook, I love you.
Englishman has been facebook messaging me, flirting is awesome. But he always plays it super cool, and I'm a gushy nerd. So in trying to play it cool too, we're like not flirting. We're just having a conversation. Anyway, I gave him the cold shoulder for 2 days (as long as I could!) and he wrote "Really wanna hear you sing madam. X" (The x means kiss as in xoxo.) And I wrote "What would you have me sing, sir?" and he wrote "The song that you sang to me, or perhaps the yeah yeah yeahs (great band if you havent heard them) - Iwouldnt be picky beoynd that one song" and...dammit! I meant to get advice before I responded. oh, here's what I wrote "I don't know what to say, I can't help you. If you wanna hear me sing a dirty song with my friend Kate, go to www.myspace.com/themermaidsrocksso far, we're our own biggest fans..." Dude, that's so boring. oh man!
Oh well.
I can't even fantasize about him anymore because then I feel guilty so it doesn't matter anyway. Except that it's something to do...And that he's HOT!
I have a headache but I had a great time at the gym. The dad here is being mean! No smiles, no "Ca va, ma chere Claire?" I think...I hope he's mad at the mom, otherwise he's mad at me. Or sick. I hope he's not mad at me!
Anyway, I wanna get laid too, Neenia. I hate being detatched from what I know and love. Need to know and love new things...new hotties.
My legs are fucking killing me. Yes gym!
I might have to not go on the computer for all next week. It'll be difficult, worse than a diet. But I'm gonna try. Starting Monday.
Hahahaha! I'm roping Neenia into the Facebook phenomenon. It's like world of warcraft for...other people. People who are kidding themselves by thinking they escaped the addiction of world of warcraft.
I'm newly hooked on a site called www.peekvid.com which rocks my world. Check it out when bored.
Wanna have sex.
I love love love wastes of time.
okay, so I don't think most of you get the degree to which my lovah freaked out about what he read. He freaked out. So then he declared his undying love for me, which is great. But now I'm so confused! I feel like I'm getting something I thought I already had. And now I'm angry that I didn't have it til now. That's a stupid thing to be angry about.
By the by, there is no way I'm going to explain this properly. The point is, I have no idea how I'm feeling. up and down and up and down my mood goes.
I'll just write stuff as it comes to me.
I am probably going to Zurich this Saturday with 2 other Au Pairs I found on facebook. Facebook, I love you.
Englishman has been facebook messaging me, flirting is awesome. But he always plays it super cool, and I'm a gushy nerd. So in trying to play it cool too, we're like not flirting. We're just having a conversation. Anyway, I gave him the cold shoulder for 2 days (as long as I could!) and he wrote "Really wanna hear you sing madam. X" (The x means kiss as in xoxo.) And I wrote "What would you have me sing, sir?" and he wrote "The song that you sang to me, or perhaps the yeah yeah yeahs (great band if you havent heard them) - Iwouldnt be picky beoynd that one song" and...dammit! I meant to get advice before I responded. oh, here's what I wrote "I don't know what to say, I can't help you. If you wanna hear me sing a dirty song with my friend Kate, go to www.myspace.com/themermaidsrocksso far, we're our own biggest fans..." Dude, that's so boring. oh man!
Oh well.
I can't even fantasize about him anymore because then I feel guilty so it doesn't matter anyway. Except that it's something to do...And that he's HOT!
I have a headache but I had a great time at the gym. The dad here is being mean! No smiles, no "Ca va, ma chere Claire?" I think...I hope he's mad at the mom, otherwise he's mad at me. Or sick. I hope he's not mad at me!
Anyway, I wanna get laid too, Neenia. I hate being detatched from what I know and love. Need to know and love new things...new hotties.
My legs are fucking killing me. Yes gym!
I might have to not go on the computer for all next week. It'll be difficult, worse than a diet. But I'm gonna try. Starting Monday.
Hahahaha! I'm roping Neenia into the Facebook phenomenon. It's like world of warcraft for...other people. People who are kidding themselves by thinking they escaped the addiction of world of warcraft.
I'm newly hooked on a site called www.peekvid.com which rocks my world. Check it out when bored.
Wanna have sex.
I love love love wastes of time.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
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