The Devil Wears H&M

Just to kinda copy Skinny Rabbit, I went shopping! At H&M! I got a new coat! It's black and it has princess shoulders. And I got a new hat, it's wide brimmed and black as well. And I got new black gloves and a new black shirt and a new black bra. Apparently, I like that colour.

But really, it's good because I can wear whatever colour scarf and it'll change my look. Right now I have a red scarf that my lovah bought me. He has a matching one.

Aaah! I have to start thinking about packing! That's gonna be a tough job.

A Night's Tale is on. How do I feel about this movie? I can't tell.
It makes me want to be in that time. But the movies that clean up the horrible world that was the past always make me want to live then.

Have you seen The Devil Wears Prada? It gave me an eating disorder, but it was good.

That's all.

Jet Plane

my bags aren't packed
I'm not ready to go
I need some time
need one more show
I hate to wake you up to say I'm scared

the dawn has broken
it's almost noon
the tickets are booked
I'm leaving soon
already I'm so lonesome I could die

The Rage!

Sometimes I get so angry that my blood boils. My hands really do ball into fists and my nails dig into my skin.

My reaction? I want to write a letter.

Canadians really are pussies.

Show me the Beast!

Can I just say how jealous I am of Skinny-Rabbit and especially Miss Pants? What an amazing story they get to portray! I'm watching the movie now with two feverish children. I don't think they're as enchanted as I or the castle.

I love the very beginning with the music and the narrator. I love "Little town..." I love the blond whores. I love "Oh no!" "Oh Yes!" "Oh no!" "Oh yes!" I love love love the library more than anything in this world. I love when Cogsworth finally goes crazy and stabs a guy in the butt. I love when Belle comes back for the Beast and that saves him. I love when Gaston says "Did you honestly think she'd want you when she could have someone like me?" in that funny voice. I love when Belle's hair finally comes down in the rain and she looks really hot. I love when magical light shines out through the beast. I love when Belle gazes into the nameless prince's human eyes and says "it is you!"

"It is a miracle!"

Zoom out from the beautiful stainglass window of the lovahs dancing and cue Celine Dion.

What a great way to spend a sick day.

Excitement Strikes Again

Dammit!
Baseball Knight talked to me on msn last night and was saying dirty funny things. Typical. But then he asked if we could see each other before I go. I thought there was a hint of "sleep together" before I go, but I wasn't sure. then I "brb"'d him and and when I got back it said "And this time I promise it will last A LOT longer than last time" "I wasn't in a good place in Pennsylvania..." "I'm very happy with my life and who I am now" "...hello?"
And I was like "ah!" But he was offline.

So I wrote him an email saying I wasn't ignoring him, I'm glad he's happy now and I'm looking forward to seeing him again.

Isn't it funny to promise that it will last a lot longer this time? What are we, in high school? I feel like I'm slumming it with the immature. And I like it.

"Yes please Mrs. Adams!"

Then I had sex dreams about him all night. I don't get me. I love my lovah more than anything. the sex is amazing. AMAZING. never wanting anything. We have passionate, exciting, fun, loving, funny, unique, sexy sex.

Yet immature baseball knight really excites me! Why? I don't need him!

Oh well. I'm looking forward to living out last night's dreams (and for it not to live up to them).

Plug

Argh. All thoughts and no internet make Alathariel a dull girl.

All greens and no chocolate make Alathariel go crazy.

I've started the soup diet.

My head hurts, I hate celery now, I hate green beens more than ever and all I want, ALL I WANT IS TWO CHEESEBURGERS FROM MCDONALDS!

But The Mermaids have recorded their first album: Radiant in Ribbons

Please go to their release party: The Undescribable Unveiling

Also, please attend: The Forlorn Farewell to say goodbye to Alathariel for a year.

They are one in the same event, though one makes you cry while the other makes you dance. (I hope the Unveiling is the one that makes you dance...)

Tequila Sunrise. 212 Adelaide. 10:00

Be there or be square.

Just

I do it to myself.

But I get some things done! I do! My list is almost complete! It's just the second most important thing I haven't done yet.

I just read an old (drunken) journal entry where I promised myself that things would be different. Well, I lied. I am in a disfunctional, dishonest relationship with myself and it's probably going to get worse.

But...I'm sure it'll all work out in the end. I'm cocky that way.

nostalgia

I wish I could go back to college
In college you know who you are
You sit in the quad
and you think "oh my god,
I am totally gonna go far!"

What a silly concept to ask "who am I?"

but I do. because I don't know sometimes.
I think I do know but I cloud it because I don't want to hurt other people's feelings.
I lose track.

How do I go back to college?
I don't know who I am anymore!
I wish I had taken more pictures...

And put them in a pretty scrapbook to look at at times like these.

Not So Wise

I am trying to learn the language of the world as they say in "The Alchemist."
I don't know how to do that while there are things to do and responsibilities to ...see through.

There's a part in the book where a boy goes to a wise man to learn the path to happiness or the meaning of life or something. When he gets to the wise man's castle, it is bustling and the wise man is talking to many other travelors and advisors and what have you. It takes two hours for the wise man to get to the boy and then he says "I have no time right now to tell you about the meaning of life, but feel free to look around my castle at all the wonderful things I have. I need you to hold on to this spoonful of special oil while you do so and don't drop any." So the boy goes all around the castle for 2 hours, his eyes never leaving the spoonful of oil. When he returns to the wise man, the wise man asks if the boy saw all of his prized possessions. The boy is embarrassed saying he was only focusing on the oil. The wise man told him to enjoy himself around the castle for the next two hours. So he did. And when he got back, the wise man was pleased to hear how much the boy loved all of his wonders but was quick to point out that he had spilled the oil. He said "all I can tell you about the meaning of life is this: find happiness in the things around you, but do not forget about the oil."

What the hell does that mean? I mean, I think I know what it means, but that's like, hard.

In any case, read the Alchemist, I'm enjoying it.

All Shook Up/Question Mark?

My hands are shaking and my knees are weak. That Elvis really knew what he was talking about.

Seriously, I'm having trouble typing.

It just hit me. Hard.

My Swiss hosts just sent me the contract. What am I doing? I'm going to Switzerland for a whole year?
This is happening?

What is this I'm feeling? Fear? Excitement? Curiosity? Nerves? Nausia? Joy? Adventure? Fear?

All of the above. A hell of a lot of fear though. good fear. is there good fear?

I'm signing contracts! I'm signing contracts? Why?

Am I really going to be in the hills I've been dreaming about since I watched the Sound of Music every morning when I was 2? Will they really be alive with the sound of music? Do you remember those mountains? They are amazing! they're like a painting, but they're real and I'm going to prove it!

Not only am I gonna have a new room, a new house, a new family, a new job (NO MORE SERVING!!!)...I'm gonna have a new country!...A NEW CONTINENT! I'm in so much shock.

Why hasn't it hit me before now?

How am I gonna make friends? I'm really shy!

Am I going to watch TV while I'm there? I still have to see what happens to Lorelai and Rory but how can I watch TV when I'm in Switzerland? Do they even have electricity?

Am I going to read? I'll be reading in French!

French?! Will I be able to communicate in French? I have a hard enough time communicating in English!

What if I screw up the lives of the kids?

What if I audition for a play but can't be in it because of my au pair work?

Will I have enough money to buy pretty things and pay off my loan? I'll never have enough money to buy pretty things and pay off my loan.

Will I be a good driver? Will I get the kids in a car crash?

Am I going to turn into a grown up? Don't I want to be with my loved ones while I grow up?

Why am I going somewhere where I will be all alone?

What if I get in a fight with my hosts?

Wow, it feels really good asking all of these questions. I'm a little calmer now, though still short of breath.

What am I gonna do without my mom? My family? My friends? My cat? My lovah? My home?

I'll be back. I'll be back a thousand times hotter than I am now.

But the actual reality of this adventure has me all shook up.

ow.

Grumble grumble. Mmmmgroan. My head. *cough cough* ew. groan. my tummy... rrrrgh.

what the hell happened last night?

vague images of a veil...why am I dressed all in white? groan.

grumble. groan.

oh yeah. fake bachelorette party. groan.

did one of my friends hook up at least? yes...that's him in the shower. uh oh, what if he's still in there when I need the toilet? ugh. moan. toilet.

jaggermeister can kiss my ass.

groan. mmmmoan.

shut up cat.

ow. sitting up hurts.

need kd. groan.

never--and I mean it this time--ever doing that again.

Lost one too many of those brain cell things.

Ode to Skinny Rabbit

Showtime is brilliant. I love reading it. It thrills me.

His kicks are beyond incredible.

The best Hermionick we could have found. Watch him in Clairry Potter and the Goblet on Fire. Forget everyone else. He's the one who will make you laugh and cry and hurl.

My cousin.

He thinks he just can't do it alone--but he can.

He can shimmy with the best of them.

He's a pure divo.

He would make out with himself in the mirror like Sarah Silverman.

He eats pizza better than anyone I know.

He has the most amazing stuff. (including Golden Girls and the Muppet Show on DVD!)

The father of my cat.

I'm assuming he has a giant penis.

I taught him how to stage kiss--but he didn't need teaching.

He spends money like there's no tomorrow, but when the time came to step up and pay off his loan, he came through.

He thinks he can do it alone, but he gets by with a little help from his friends.

What a beautiful, talented, bright eyed, interesting, intelligent, pretty, sexual, skinny, silly, hilarious, crazy kid!

Do You Believe In Magic?

I love books. I mostly love books about books. I just started writing a book about books. and book lovers. I don't know what the plot is gonna be but it starts in a bookstore. any ideas? magical ideas? I can't write about a magical ring or sword or locket or wardrobe or flower. it's really tough to be original. how can I get them to another world in a way that's never been done before? and then I need a message. so far, it seems to be heading toward believing in magic and being a good friend. and reading.

books make me cry. they make me worry. they make me obsess. they make me shiver. they change my dreams at night and the way I view the world.

I don't like being in the audience of a theatre because I would rather be a part of the play. but being a part of the behind the scenes of a book involves writing it. I love being in the audience of a book, but it's bitter sweet because I want to be a part of the story. stories that can't happen. Do you know how many times I've tried to move things in my mind like Matilda? or looked in wardrobes? or tried to get sucked into the blank pages of a book? though I know it can't happen, it's so dissapointing when it doesn't.

I'm sure there are some things you wish were true, even if they're not as childish.

Oh well, maybe in writing a magical story about how "life isn't magical until one day..." I'll feel like it's a little more magical.

A Whole New World

Oh no! My roommate is Ariel, and I used to be Belle! (not for real like Miss Pants, just that I read and walk and...am her.) But now, with black hair, I am forced to remember my Arabic roots and be Jasmine. It's not so bad, but now I have to lose weight if I'm gonna wear her costume.

Snow White

2 things. 1) My lovah smells right now. His breath, his pits. He stinks. He's allowed to, it's morning before his shower.

2) My hair is now black. I'm very pleased with it as my transformation back into the warrior princesse I am begins. Now I just have to wait until it grows and then relearn how to fight. And float. And travel between worlds.

Stuff anyone?

I like people because of their stuff.

It sounds shallow, I know this, but "stuff" can mean so many things. For example, my fellow mermaid has a hell of a lot of stuff; she has corsets, frilly dresses, jewelry, fairies hanging from her ceiling, perfumes, a piano, nail polish, video game figurines, video games, pretty pictures, paint, games, a good printer, nice shoes, the best hair anyone will ever have, sparkly things to go in her hair, cool journals, cool pens to go with the journals, a kilt, a digeridoo, more lingerie than you can imagine, etc. I like her stuff and I like her because of her stuff. They are a window into who she is. Is that shallow? I can't tell sometimes, because I'm blinded by her stuff.

My former roommate (Neenia) does not have a lot of stuff. The stuff she has, I am obsessed with. Every simple, clean shirt she has is a wonder to me and the few pictures on her walls (her old walls) constantly amazed me. Her favourite movies (I still have Center Stage and Footloose--woops!) are often off the shelf as she or I or we are watching them all the time. Plus she has marshmallows or chocolate almonds or pita and hummus. I like her for those things. They are a part of who she is.

My oldest friend (as in I've known her the longest) is obsessed with making her own bath stuff. She has essential oils up the wazoo and a pestal and mortar with which she mixes stuff.

My brother has a super organised binder with every CD and every movie he owns. He brings it everywhere he goes.

My lovah has nice blazers that he looks good in. He has huge text books. He has Absynthe on a shelf next to a painting he is working on. He has a flask. He has an old type writer. He wants a bassoon very badly.

Gilbert's Girl has arts and crafts enough for a day care. She has a library. She has a pot of boiling water and a towl that she uses to steam her voice before she has to sing. She has a stuffed Simba. She has adorable PJ's.

My friend from the renaissance faire has a crazy buffy collection. She has fuzzy hand cuffs and a cat o' nine tails. Everything she has is green and black.

My old funny friend has a JTT lampshade. She has a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pillow case. She has Archie "Gag Bag" comics all over her wall.

If I haven't mentioned you, be sure I am in love with your stuff. Be sure I love you for your stuff. I hope that's not a bad thing.

That gets me thinking about my stuff, I have a pretty good collection, I think. I have a drum, I have 4 Superman lunchboxes and 23 Superman shirts, I have all the children's books you'll need. I have Aladdin, A Goofy Movie, The Little Mermaid and Newsies. I have a cat (he counts as stuff). I have a quill and ink. I have a book called Fairyopolis. I have the kind of candle holder you take down the hall at night in a creepy mansion and a white nightgown that goes with it. I have a magic wand. I have a lot of ribbons. I have red ballet shoes. I have scrapbooks. I have a turtle stool called Antonio Banderes. I have beautiful copies of Treasure Island and Peter Pan. I have a picture of me in an other world. I have a guitar named Cherry. I have a reversable corset. I have pirate boots. I have a small statue of a woman with hair down to her feet.

Hmm. I was going to say I wasn't happy with my stuff, that my stuff was cluttered and meaningless. But I have amazing stuff. I love me for my stuff. I am going to do my best to store it well, display it well. My stuff is a window into who I am.

Books, Dreams, Trains and Noses

Ah. I've just spent a glorious few days at my lovah's cottage. We went swimming and rowing and biking and driving and walking. I ate the most wonderful meals (his mother is a goddess in the kitchen) and saw a giant bull frog. I didn't have a book. I forgot the book I was reading (Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen) at my cousin's house. That is such a horrible thing, to lose a book. I felt like I was stripped from my world and the people I had grown used to.

I got a cd back that I had leant out and it makes me feel so comfortable.

I had a very, very scary dream involving the destruction of my workplace by a bad guy and I didn't know who was involved with him. it ended with my dad shooting strange missiles into the ground while chanting about armageddon. I don't know what that means, but it was horrible. Then, later in the morning, I dreamed that I couldn't find my place, I didn't know where I belonged in a strange school I somehow ended up in. I found my best friend who usually feels more out of place than I do and she was with a group of jazz musicians. They all looked so happy and I was so surprised to find that she found her place before I did, without even telling me or helping me. I was to take the jazz class and my best friend's group said there were no places left except one by a microphone and I had to take that one. We played "It Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't Got That Swing" and I rocked it. The director made all the other singers stop to listen to me. Because I was taking risks. That made me feel good.

My lovah wanted to go for a bike ride with his little brother but my ass was still hurting from my own horrible bike ride the day before so I stayed back. As I said, I didn't have a book, so I found some paper and a pen and I wrote for two hours. I continued a story I had going that I thought I couldn't write anymore. But once I started, it wrote itself. I just need the middle now and a hell of a lot of dialogue. I know the atmosphere of the dialogue but not what they're actually saying...oh well. It'll write itself, I hope.

Trains suck. They are too expensive and if your phone runs out of power so you can't even play blockbreaker they are boring. I did like the snack trolley. I wish it was the Hogwarts Express I was riding, instead of Via Rail. I would love to be a professor at Hogwarts. I bet I would be a great charms teacher. Does that mean I'd have to be in Ravenclaw? I always tell people that I'm in Gryffendor, but I often question my own bravery. My lovah thinks I'm brave.

My nose is stuffed up. I would be talking funny if I were talking. By dose is stuffy. that's what I'd say.

I don't want to work toborrow. I hade serving. I get to babysit dext week and for the dext 6 weeks after. thed I get to teach a 6 year old girl and a 2 year old boy how to speak English. ID SWITZERLAND!

I'b going to try to clear my dose daturally but I will probably reduce to bedical bethods like otrivib. I'b addicted to that stuff.

Good dight.

someone holds me safe and warm...

i'm typing with one hand. wanna know why? because there is a two-week-old boy in my arms. i am so happy i'm struck dumb. i only have the voice to hum "once upon a december" from anastacia. he likes that song.

this is bad. i want one and i'm ready for one. but my life isn't.

Josie and the Pussycats

Is it bad when my songs want to copy really bad chick rock?

Cheesy Good Ending

I'm drunk.

Bedroom Prince is finally back and we had a karaoke good time.

I'm the laziest person I know. There are dishes to be done, passports to get, drivers licenses to get, litters to change, laundry to be done, calls to be made, emails to be sent, songs to be written, cords to be bought, shelves to be put up, cats to be brushed...that's all I can think of right now because pizza is taking over the part of my brain that thinks.

Mmm I would like some pizza. What kind? Not Pizza Hut, too greasy. Maybe the kind from pizza pizza because I could get garlic dipping sauce. Maybe Amato's because I'd feel healthier.

There's no one home but me and the cat. Is it bad that all I wanna do is watch TV and eat pizza? I'm supposed to say "all I wanna do is have some fun" but I don't. What's wrong with me?

I guess I could go for some sex. But it would be lazy sex and there had better be some chocolate afterwards.

Why can't I just get paid millions of dollars for dressing like a pirate, looking hot, singing and gaining weight at the speed of sound?

I need to watch RENT again. I sang Out Tonight and Another Day tonight. This wanker who's a good singer who I thought was cool put my name in for Another Day. We were pretty good except I lost my voice halfway through due to some smokers just out the door. Oh well. The point is, I should listen to Mimi, not Roger. I need to do stuff that isn't watching TV. I can't say "another day."

No day but today.