Office Musings

None of the blog circle read my most recent post.

But EG did. And he freaked out. Because I'm a psychopath.

And I learned something again.

He's always right.

I also learned that I love him more than I thought I did.

It really did sound like I'm not happy, like I want more.

I don't want more for now. I'm happy for now. But I managed to make him understand that the fear kicks in because I know the exact date when I won't be happy anymore.

I wrote all that because a) I wanted to get it out, and indeed, I didn't really think of it since I wrote it, and b) I'm trying not to give all the marvelous details. I'm trying to add a little mystique to this experience. I can't tell you all what the sex is like. I just can't, it's too good. I can't tell you what sleeping with him or waking with him is like. It's too amazing. I can't tell you how fucking fantastic it feels every time he kisses me in thanks for a meal, or holds my hand, or laughs at my accent, or makes me laugh like a child, or shows me his dissertation, or looks at me.

It's too perfect to discuss. I'm just living it.

Well, not now, now I'm at work, wishing I was at home with him. I hope I can leave early, his smell is starting to leave my senses and I want it back in there. I want to immerse myself in all things English Gentleman until the second he has to leave me. 

I will not think about that moment until that moment.

I will not break down until then.