Wash the Rain

Sometimes there are so many things wrong. Too many to deal with. I'm only one person, I counted, so there's only so much I can do.

There is too much weighing on me; responsibility, guilt, anger, love, possibilities, mistakes, embarrassment, eating disorders, relationships, a plant, a cat, laundry, patients, patience, books, music, talent, my body, my ganglion, my hair, my room, dishes, the litter box, blogging, old friends, new friends, letter writing, story writing, impressing people, confronting people, contraception, he said she said, miscommunications, boredom, insolence, money, money, money, waiting, wanting, changing, staying the same, words, memories, plans, dreams, drinks, dances, phone calls, emails, lent, apologies, waking up.

One night, as I was trying to fall asleep, someone said the last straw (though I soon found out it was only one of the last straws) I don't remember what he said but I threw my mind somewhere it doesn't often go: I prayed. But I didn't pray to someone with a name, I didn't pray to someone at all. (Let's not make this what it isn't.) I immediately started hearing this old, horrible song loaded with nostalgia called "Wash the Rain" by World on Edge (how convenient!) and it swelled inside me until I found myself whispering "wash it all away, wash it all away..." Quickly, tears started streaming down my face but I kept repeating "wash it all away, wash it all away" and just as quickly, the tears stopped. And I fell asleep.

I'm hoping this wasn't my personal version of "serenitiy now, insanity later" but "wash it all away" has been my mantra since that night and it at least keeps me from crying or even frowning. It allows me to feel cool, calm, confident (like Aladdin) along with the frustration.


One by one we fall to the ground
We turn our heads and start from where we were found
On our knees
Hold your head from moving round
Your eyes are fixed on something that you have found
It's not for me
And if you say wash the rain
Do you mean wash the pain from me